A Pocket Full of Suggestions!

Just like there are different challenges we face daily,so there is different kinds of trusting in the middle of them. Think about friends or colleagues you have. A big responsibility that is a huge deal to you, is in their hands. The outcome will effect you greatly. Can you sit back and trust them fully? Are you full of suggestions? Are they worthy of your trust? Let you down before?

it is not easy to trust people with a full heart. My husband knows when we drive, I have no shortage of warnings and helpful suggestions. It drives him crazy! He asked me once" Seriously Donna, how do I ever get through this city without you? Funny, I ask myself the same question( not out loud of course!). 

How empowering is it for the receiver of all our helpful suggestions? Whether it s a friend, spouse, or child? For sure, sometimes it is very important and useful. Not always though.How in the world will these people dear to us learn to climb mountains if we carry them up every other mountain? May we have wisdom and understanding and even courage to trust them. May we learn to cheer those dear to us rather then always giving instructions and what we might call " encouragements". 

How we do or do not trust people, is the difference of being wind in their sails or more like the sail boat in the middle of the lake without a breeze. Our words are powerful. That is why in the book of James 3:6-12in the Bible it says. that while man has been able to tame all kinds of animals in this world, he can not tame the tongue. It likens the tongue to a spark that can set an entire forest on fire. 

Today,lets not underestimate the power of our words to friends, kids, family, co-workers. Proverbs 15: 23 says" A person finds joy in an apt reply- how good is a timely word". 

May today be a day of apt replies and timely words for both of us!

What Flat tires and Complaining have in Common

Every day we have the gift of living but we  also are given the privilege of choice. When things don't come our way as they ought, people don't treat us as we deserve, options on how to respond pop up quickly.

To be kind and gracious in the face of injustice and unkindness towards us, is a real challenge. It makes me think how hard I would find it to be thankful on a day when the rain is pouring down, I am soaking wet, my shoes are gushing, but in my heart, I am giving thanks for the health and gift of strength and even a place to go to.

Complaing is a life sucking habit. Whether you are the complainer or the listener. If you think about the last time your boss or teacher looked over that project  you felt so good about. You looked forward to some needed afirmation but they found that one thing to dwell on,  and complained about.

You are deflated, just like a tire on a bike or car. It is so hard to move forward. 

Keys to moving from that place if you are the one who is in the receiving end, forgive them, learn what you can and move on. Don't give in to stewing about it and don't tell a million people. That is how to get  the roots of bitterness growing in your soul. In every retelling, it is like fertilizing a grudge. That my friend is a bad habit. I am not telling you this becuase I have mastered. I have no shortage of opportunity to practice what I am saying here.

On the other hand, if you are the complainer, know that you are not breathing life into yourself or your listeners. If something must be said, let it be said with wisdom added. Know when you have said enough. Be kind and clear. When wisdom is applied, it becomes constructive criticism. 

Living daily, with grace is wise . That is what sets you apart from the rest. In a field of dandelions, you will be that beautiful flower, .... Pick your favorite...that is you. 

Standing at a roadblock in your life?

Do you feel like a small ant trying to get past a huge boulder which is totally blocking your way? Just to make it worse, you have tried all the tips from friends and family,read the books, yet, here you are still! You and your boulder. 

You are not the first to be standing in such a place. Nor are you alone. One cannot make it far on the path of life without the odd massive boulder blocking the way. 

The shocker is this... a person can learn alot of important lessons leaning by that crazy boulder. You find out who you really are in the waiting. You can complain, be angry and bitter. You can blame someone maybe? Sadly, it may feel better at the moment, but it does not move things out of our path.

How you and I respond to the boulders we face, tells anyone watching just who we really are. 

It is in the waiting that character is built. In the book of James in the Bible, Chapter 1:2-4 we learn that the testing of our faith developes perseverence and when that is over, we mature in our faith. Believing that God loves you when you feel forgotten leaning on your boulder, really is a huge test of faith.

Growing up in a home where my dad forgot me, more then once has left its ugly mark. It does not take much for me to feel forgotten. Perhaps you understand what I am talking about here? This is the thing though. While my dad forgot me , God never has. He has met me at every boulder, either helped me climb over it or showed me the way around. Sometimes, redirected me altogether.

You do matter to God, even if you don't feel like you matter a whole lot to people at the moment. Find a Bible, on- line or some where in your house. Read Proverbs 3:5,6, take the advice you find there. Jesus is the One who will never walk away. He will not make your life perfect. He will give you peace though. He will show you what to do with the wretched boulder standing in your way. Who knows, He may want it there because the path you are on,is not the one He wants for you. 

Remember, God loves you and you matter to Him.

Getting Rid of Regrets!

Living with regret is a bit like living with stones in your shoe. They don't even have to be big, just pebbles, and you know they are there!

For several years I struggled under the burden of regret when my father passed away. The last time I saw my father alive was Christmas day and I was 18 years old. I had very little time off from college and spent most of it with my friends. I even went out of town to hang out with a friends' family. I knew when I got there,  I should have spent more time with my family,my dad especially. I made a fast decisions and regretted it later.

I had no idea I would never see my dad again. I would have chosen differently had I known. For a long long time, regret bit at my heart. 

I discovered that guilt and regret are very good friends. 

What do should we do with regrets? How do we get those stones out of our shoe and keep them out? Do you have any stones in your shoes? 

It makes a big difference if you are able to go and ask forgiveness but that is not always possible. It was too late for me. 

In my situation, I had to let myself off the hook. There is an old saying " the hardest person to forgive is yourself".

So, I did eventually forgive myself and asked Jesus to forgive me. In 1 John 1:9 it tells us that if we confess our sins ( that is the bad stuff we do) He will forgive us, and the cool part is He forgives us completely. He wipes the record spotlessly clean. 

That is what I needed and maybe that is what you need too. It is not hard and it does feel better!

I did learn from my mistake and tried to make different choices in the decisions that followed.

Make sure though, that your regrets are fair. I know that some people feel regret when it is not there fault. It is very important to just claim to your regret or guilt and not other peoples ! May God give you wisdom to know when that is.

If you do these few simple things I have suggested, you will find those pesky stones in your shoe, quietly dissappear. Wouldn't that be nice?

Nasty Habits.

 Nasty habits are tough to break for anyone. Everyone has something. One thing that you can be sure of. You will never be rid of it unless you admit it is there and that it's a problem and you really are sick of it. 

  I found this poem which is one of my favorites. Maybe it will say something to you for your life. Check it out:

                                           Autobiography in 

                                   Five Short Chapters: By Partia Nelson

                                    From " There's a Hole in My Sidewalk

                                                       I

                                      I walk down the street.

                               There is a deeep hole in the sidewalk.

                                                   I fall in.

                                          I am lost... I am helpless.

                                                It isn't my fault.

                                It takes forever to find a way out.

                                                        II

                                  I walk down the same street.

                               There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

                                      I pretend I don't see it.

                                            I fall in again.

                               I can't believe I am in the same place.

                                   But ,it takes a long time to get out.

                                 It still takes a long time to get out.

                                                   III

                                  I walk down the same street.

                            There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

                                      I see it is still there.

                                   I still fall in. It's a habit.

                                       My eyes are open.

                                      I know where I am.

                        It is my fault and I get out immediately.

                                                 IV

                              I walk down the same street.

                         There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

                                    I walk around it.

                                            V

                              I walk down another street.

What about you? Any deep holes you keep falling into? Are you tired of it? Is it a problem? All of life there will be more deep holes for us to fall into.

I have had my fair share of holes let me tell you. I had to admit that it was a problem and I was to blame. That is never easy to do.

It was worth it though. I always ask Jesus to help me and He does. Habits are broken a day at a time or sometimes a moment at a time depending on what it is.

I hope that something here has been helpful to you today. Watch out for those deep holes. May you have wisdom to recognize them when you land in one!                        

Moving on but Dragging my Feet...

  It is hard to move past a really tough break-up. The fears rise yelling " I will never find anyone who will truly love me. It feels like that today, but it won't always. 

Moving on is like opening yourself up to new possibilities that you never dreamt about. I remember when this one guy really slaughtered my heart, I honestly thought I should consider being a nun or something that required a life without a life partner. 

Then, things changed. If I had been tied to the wrong person, then I would never have met the right one. I know you might be thinking " but he was perfect". Well.... he was not so perfect if he did not want to stick it out through the hard times of your relationship. 

Take some time to really look back now. Ask yourself a few questions maybe?

1. What qualities were the greatest in this person that I want to look for next time?What bad stuff would I like to avoid next time?

2. How do I really want to be treated?

3. Were you honestly happy? Did that person really care for you in a respectful way?

4. What did I learn from this experience? 

5. What can I do differently next time.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 says" Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."

Jesus always is there for you. He won't step out on you like people do sometimes. He does not always do things the way you think He should. He does see however,see up the mountains, around the corner and through the misty paths you find yourself on. He is all wise and is fully trustworthy...honestly!

Help for a Broken Heart

Does you heart feel like it has been stepped on and set aside by someone you cared about deeply? You were pretty sure you mattered but not anymore? Please know,you are not alone in this. It really does happen to most poeple. There are some who meet Mr. or Mrs. Right when they are young and are still married today. While that is beautiful, it is also not super common. My suggestions here are for those who have broken dating relationships,though some suggestions could apply to other circumstances.

1. You need to accept the loss.

2. Know when you have talked about it enough. Honestly, the wound in your heart will not feel better because you tell your story over and over again.

3. Forgive them,even though they do not deserve it. After you forgive, move on. There really is a better match out there for you...honestly.

4. Even if your heart is in a crushed state, maybe do something for someone who could never pay back your kindness. Who is lonely that you could visit and bring a small gift to?

5. Find a great book and read it. Please let it be funny! Not a reader? Maybe a great movie.

6. Don't sit home alone.

7. Don't go drink alcohol. It might dull the pain but please know this, your pain will greet you once again in the morning. Honestly, I know too many people who have looked to alcohol as their comfort in hard times. Some of them turned into alcholics. It is a dangerous habit to get into.

8. Jesus is the healer of the broken heart. Ask Him for peace. He has great plans for you. He has not changed His mind.

9. Please know that the sun will shine again. Today and how you feel right now is NOT forever.

10. Even if you feel discarded by this person, there are others in your life that love you. Your life is important and you matter!

11. Don't go looking for a replacement " boyfriend/girlfriend" today. Wait. Let your heart heal. You need to be able to think straight and make a good choice.

12. Know this... It is in the valleys we find out who we are. Are you spiteful, mean and full of horrible things to say about this person who wronged you? Forgive...let go. Be kind even though they are not. Show the world what you are made of. You can't? It is too hard? God is waiting. He is a very present help in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1). He will not make your life magically perfect, but He will give you peace and strength for this difficult road.

Stuff Learned the Hard Way

 There is lots of stuff that was not what I would describe as lessons that were a ton of fun to learn. In the next several weeks, I hope to share some lessons I and some of my friends have learned. Maybe you will not have to take the hard road. Rather, learn from others hard knocks instead of having to go through it yourself.

Lesson One- 

I remember many years ago, I found out the hard way that yelling is a pretty lousy way to resolve an argument. To be honest it was the only way I knew to resolve a disagreement. When I was growing up, it was sort of like whoever yelled loudest won. At least that is how I remember it. 

When I was just married to my husband Bill, we were in a laundry mat, doing laundry. Something was not making me happy. I cannot remember what, I do know that I yelled at Bill ( just like I did all the years of growing up) and he just said" that is not how we resolve things Donna" and he walked out of the laundry mat.

I was shocked. How in the world would I survive disagreements if I could not yell? He came back in a little while. I apologized. 

It took some major adjustments, but I did learn to just speak instead. Not easy let me tell you. 

Proverbs 15:1 says " a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger"(NIV)

Maybe you are a yeller. It is never too late to change. You don't feel any better after screaming your head off suprisingly. Just speak. Sometimes, no reply is wise. Wait until things calm a bit. Sometimes that is the right thing to do.  What do you think?

6 Reasons Dating a NON – Christian is a not so great idea, when you are a Christian.

 6 Reasons Dating a NON – Christian is a not so great idea, when you are a Christian.

It would be easier to tell you that it is a wonderful idea to just date whoever you want. When you are a Christian, it is different. Here are a few reasons. I hope it is helpful.

1.    Jesus says in 2 Cor. 16:4- “Do not be yoked with an unbeliever.”  If Jesus is who you are following and you have given your life to that, then it is appropriate to assume He is the most important person in your life.
To date a non-Christian would therefore make no sense. Jesus is not a hobby or just an interest, if that were the case, than it would make sense to date a non-Christian because in a relationship, both people will have different hobbies and interests. However to follow Jesus means giving up your life and becoming joyfully obedient to the plans He has for you. To be in a relationship with someone who isn’t on that journey will certainly hinder that process for you.


2.    The person you are dating is a big deal in your life. If they do not share your faith, they will have a hard time helping you grow closer to Christ as your best friend and Savoir.You may try and convince yourself that you can still grow and follow Jesus with this person, and that is just not the case.
   

3.    There will be areas of your life, you cannot share. For example, you are struggling at school. You ask your best friends to pray for you and they will if they share your faith, they see the value of prayer. A person who does not know Christ will have nice thoughts for you. That won’t change anything.

4.  Even if this person you want to date is the nicest you have ever met, does not make it what God has for you.  If you end of falling in love and wanting to get married, now what? You have a lifetime of going to church alone, sharing what is dearest to your heart alone. If the day comes and you and your now husband have children, a new challenge rises. How are you raising them? With faith, no faith a bit of faith?


5.  When there are cool things going on in your church and you would love to invite your important person, but they are not comfortable or interested. So, you go…. But you cannot go see them the next day and share about the neat things you learned or what you really believe God said to you. They might be very happy for you, but that is where it would end. That is sad.

6.  A relationship in God’s eyes is two people pursuing him individually outside of marriage and together within marriage. If we believe everything we do including our relationships is to be for God’s glory, than that cannot happen if one of you doesn’t even believe in giving God glory.

There are likely more reasons then I have said here. But you get the idea. 

The No No’s of breaking up A Dating Relationship

1.Don’t do it over a text, email or leave a phone message. It is not classy. It screams to the world “you are a coward!” And you are not. You are brave and honest

2.Don’t break up in front of other people.

3. Don't do it on their birthday.

4Don't make a video of your break up speech and put it on YouTube. It may be creative but again...no class.

5.Don't promise that maybe you will get back together again or that you just need space when the truth is you are "done". If it is over then it is over. Saying stuff like " its not you , its me",lines like that leave them wondering what they could have done differently. That is not cool. You are not uncool. Don't forget that.

6. Think about what you need to say and DO NOT say more then is helpful. All your words are not going to make it better.Going on and on about how things are not working out is not going to make it hurt less. You DO need to make sure they understand though. That is it.

7. Be nice. You do not need to  put them down or be disrespectful to them. You do not want to be the reason they start seeing a counselor tomorrow! 

8. Timing is important. If you feel like things are not working out and you have knot in your stomach, then don't put it off. If however their favorite Uncle just died that day, wait at least a bit! Not too long though.

9.Make very sure that the only person they are hearing from about your intentions of breaking up is YOU. Whatever you do, no facebook status' announcing it to the world. Whatever the reason you are breaking up, maybe they cheated on you. Don't stoop down to that level. It won't take the hurt out by hurting them back.

10. Before you go and deliver your breaking up news, take some time to pray and forgive this person for the wrongs done or wherever you feel disappointed. You will save yourself from sounding bitter and you will be able to think more clearly. Bitterness and unforgiveness does get in the way of hearing and speaking well.

Breaking up a dating relationship is not fun. How you do it however says alot about you. Be as kind as you are able but clear. If the relationship is abusive for SURE, get out of it. You deserve to be treated with love and kindness. Don't settle for less. 

I always go to Jesus for wisdom and guidance for all things. I encourage you to go to Him also. He has all the wisdom and courage you need. Invite Him to come along. He is my strength and my Good Shepherd on the good and days and the bad. He is willing to be all that and more to you as well. You need to ask Him.

To Commit or Not Commit- That is the Question!

 Donna says “ Commitment is a big deal depending how you think about it in a relationship. Some people hold to the idea that unless they are planning to get married to the person, they refuse to commit. Some view commitment more like smelling a flower in the garden of choices with the outcome yet to be determined. One thing for certain is you both need to have the same understanding of what commitment in your relationship means.”

 “You need to ask yourself some very specific questions about the other person. At the same time, you need to be very honest with yourself with the answers.”

For example:

1.    Do they make you a better person?

2.    Is it ever a chore to be with them?

3.    Are you happier when they are around?

4.    Do you like them even with their faults?

5.    Are you looking to be in a relationship because you are lonely? That is not a good reason to commit if you cannot answer yes to the above questions.

6.    Do you feel like you are settling like you are settling for second best?

7.    Are you ready to be considering another in your plans?

8.    Have you really taken the time to think the possibility of this commitment through?

9.    Do you like how them just because they are physically attractive or does it go beyond that.

10.  If you are a Christian, do they share your faith? Will they help you grow in your faith?  Have you asked Jesus what He would have you do?

 Pastor Jon says-  ”If you have chosen to follow Jesus, the question of whether to commit should involve you asking the question, “Is this someone who pushes me closer to Jesus and causes me to love him more?” If that question cannot be answered with full confidence, then you should not entertain the thought of commitment.”

Stuff girls do on a date that drive guys crazy!

Pastor Jon says:

After surveying a few fine gents...

1) When girls spend time looking at their phone and texting other friends

2) When girls sending the wrong message on the date...giving the guy the impression there's hope for more...

3) When girls start talking about other guys they hang out with on the date

4) When girls start discussing all of the girl drama currently going on in their lives

5) When girls refuse to let the guy pay for the meal

6) Girls ordering a dainty salad and nothing else...

7) When girls are indecisive with the food options, even after the choices have been given...

8)When girls spend the whole time talking about themselves - ask good questions!

9) On the other hand, if the girl will not go past the surface level, that can be very frustrating.

10) When the girl takes foreeeeever to get ready

Stuff Guys do- on a date that Drive Girls Crazy

 Below you will find ten things that drive girls crazy on a date, or even a guy they are just dating. I asked a few young women to give me their top 5. This is what they had to say.

 1. Avoid eye contact-there is nothing worse then feeling like I am talking to your food rather then you.

2. Being too romantic. The best relationships begin as friends first. Don't rush things. It won't help you.

3.  Choosing the wrong conversation topic - Guys are notorious for choosing uncomfortable conversation topic... avoid controversial topics. At least on a first date!

4.  Never bring up past relationships - Doesn't seem as though they have moved on, and they are simply a filling in time with you.

5.  Checking their phone frequently - Makes the date seem unimportant and that they have somewhere else to be!

6.  Compliments - Guys tend to feel that girls need to be flattered continuously.  We are strong and independent, and we know that we look good on the date. One compliment is enough. Two max.

7.  When boys act dramatically different around their guy friends compared to when they are with you.

8.  When they send mixed messages. 
They make me think they are really interested in me, but actually, they are not or visa verse.

9.  When they are too flirty with all girls.

10 When they think they can put their arm around me or kiss me. Ask.

How to be an amazing First date

 How to make sure they never ask you out again. If you do the OPPOSITE of what Pastor Jon and I have here, you should be AMAZING!11.

1. Make sure you talk badly about everyone you can think of.
2. Interrupt them often.
3. Be late and don’t apologize.
4. If they are paying for the date, make sure you order the most expensive thing on the menu.
5. Don't say thank you for the evening.
6. Talk alot about the last person you dated.
7. Text your friends the whole time you are together.
8. Talk on and on about yourself and never ask them anything about themselves.
9. If they do manage to talk about themselves, yawn.
10. Make sure you kiss them goodnight whether they are interested or not.
11. Chew your food with your mouth open.
12.  Dress like a slob. That way the other person will know just how unspecial this evening is to you.

How a person acts that first time really is a big deal, first impressions matter. Nervous? Think about some questions you can ask and be interested in what they answer. Look them in the eyes when they talk.  Listening to them tells them they are important to you. Guys: girls love to be treated like “a lady”. Hold the door open for her (not because she can’t do it!). When you get to the table, pull the chair out for her (Not so she falls on the floor! That would be very bad!). 

 If you are a Christian, invite Jesus to come along. Ask Him for peace and wisdom to know what you should ask. Treat your date with all the respect and honor that they deserve. Not only on this date but always!

 Last Word by Pastor Jon… Remember then-Don’t be on your cellphone. Turn it off, and make the other person feel like you actually want to be on the date with them. Ask good questions, getting to know them. If you feel as though you spent more time talking about yourself than the other person, than that’s a problem. Be creative with your ideas, do something different than always going to a movie and what not. It says a lot to the other person when there is a lot of time and effort put into the date.

When Relationships Get too Controlling:

Donna says: Being in a controlling relationship is not a lot of fun. Take a look at my first ever quiz on this topic and simply ask yourself “ Am I being controlling? or am I being controlled by your boyfriend or girlfriend?”

 The Control Quiz....

        1. Do you expect your boyfriend /girlfriend to call you a minimum of once a day?

        2. Have you ever told your "significant person" that they have to stop being friends with different individuals? (it is different however, if those were harmful relationships, even then, how you ask, is important.)

         3.Do you tell your B.F. or G.F. how they need to dress?

         4.Do you text your B.F. or G.F. during a special meal when your family has company over? Are you checking out where they are?

        5. Do you own your b.f. or G.F. or B.F. time all weekend long, every weekend?

         6.At a coffee shop, who decides what she/he will drink?

         7.If you leave early from a gathering, is your B.F or G.F. required to leave with you, even if they would like to stay?

        8. Do you get in knots if your B.F. or G.F. is talking to another guy/girl who you think is likely a good catch and you are feeling threatened? What do you do? Do you try to take control of the situation?

 No one likes to feel like they are on a leash. If you have answered yes to even a few questions above, you may just be a leash holder. Trust and respect, honor for the commitment to your relationship is a huge deal. If this person is the right one for you, then relax. They are not going anywhere. If you lose that B.F./G.F. that easily, they were really not that interested in you as heart shattering as it feels at the time.

 Wait for the day, when that person, who really truly cares comes along. Again, know what real love looks like lived out. Not toxic, controlling "love". There may be a lot of passion, but you are not looking for firecracker love relationships.

 If you how you handle life has changed significantly and not for the good. Think about this, before you were confident to make decisions and express yourself and now you are scared to express yourself and your heart is full of worry since you started dating this person? If this sounds like you RUN! A real relationship that is right, you will both be even better people, more at peace and you will thrive in your lives.

 Think about it. You both need room to breathe.

Take a look at what Pastor Jon says next!

  Sometimes a boyfriend or girlfriend can be really bossy and controlling.  They act like they own the other person, and the person being bossed around feels like they have to do everything they are told to do.  This is not good!  Your boyfriend/girlfriend should never treat you like this.

 When you are just dating you shouldn’t have to check in or ask permission to do things, as if they run your life.  For sure, you do want to respect them, and not be totally selfish, but you should feel free to be yourself around them.  If you feel like you might be the controlling person,  a good way to stop this is to spend time in groups with the boy/girl you like, doing activities together, and not just by yourselves.

 If you feel like you might be a bossy & controlling boyfriend or girlfriend, you should ask yourself, why?  I think that the reason people become controlling is because they are afraid that losing control will mean their boyfriend/girlfriend will dump them.  If your relationship is based on fear, that is really bad.  Luckily for those of us who follow Jesus, there is help!  God says that he will never leave you or forsake you, and that He will walk with you through every moment of your life.  If this is true, it means you can trust God with every part of your life, including your dating relationships.  The more we trust God with our dating life, the more we can trust our boyfriend/girlfriend too, instead of trying to control them.

 I know somebody who really, really, wanted to date a girl, and spent a long time convincing her to be his girlfriend.  Once she agreed the thought of ever losing her having her was scary, he worried about that a LOT.  One day he got a call from the girl telling him that she wasn’t interested in being his girlfriend anymore.  Just like that, his biggest fear had come true, and his girlfriend had dumped him.  But guess what?  Life went on!  There were other people in his life that loved him, and he was able to have lots of fun with other friends and family in his life, rather than putting all of his energy into this one dating relationship.

 I want you to know that if you have ever felt like this, like all of your thoughts and dreams revolve around one person, and believe life wont be complete without them- it’s just not true.  For those of you who follow Jesus, know that he is the only person we cannot live without.  He is more than enough for all of our needs; He helps us through bad break ups and other messy times in our lives. 

Being in a relationship with Him is the most important thing, and letting that trust in him be the focus of all our other relationships is the best thing in the world!

Respecting yourself and Your Boundaries

Pastor Jon says: ”It is very important when entering into a relationship, to be very confident of what you believe to be right and wrong, and then to communicate that right at the beginning of the relationship. If the person you are with cannot respect your boundaries and more importantly you, than that is a very clear sign that the person is someone you don’t want to be with. “

Donna says-" I haven’t skied a ton on black diamond runs at various ski resorts. My kids would want you to know they have done way more then me! But, let me tell you this, I have done my share! I notice when you ski in the mountains, there are some boundaries clearly marked out due to danger of an avalanche. There a large signs telling you “ Danger, do not ski here!! Avalanche zone! “.

 It makes me think of dating and the boundaries that need to be in place, for your own sake and the sake of the person you are dating.

 I know that in ski country, lots of people love risk and they ski in the danger zones. In fact, some prefer it. They love the thrill, not counting the cost to themselves or those who they entice to join them on their perilous run.

 If you give yourself to someone without boundaries or commitment, in my mind, it is like skiing in the danger zone. You may find your heart breaks even more if this person who claimed to love you.-walks away. Maybe you feel disregarded, used, lied to and struggle to trust again.

 But you are worth waiting for! There is plenty of "wall jewelry" available. In the store I work at, the inexpensive jewelry is hanging on the wall. The good stuff is under glass. You need to ask. It is special, protected.

 You are special. You are worth the wait. Not cool enough?

 I remember a guy who I was counseling years ago in a high school I worked at. He was good looking, popular and great at sports. He was dating a very, very popular girl. When they were alone, she started to take her clothes off because sex had been a part of every relationship she had been in. Every guy she had been with seemed to only want one thing from her, causing her to feel as if she owed it to them. He stopped her. He believed that sex was for marriage and wanted to live by that belief. He respected her and himself. She couldn’t comprehend someone wanting to get into her heart and that was it! In his life, love was not expressed by a sexual act. She was felt rejected and confused. His explanation was too hard to understand and she broke up with him.

Not everyone is "doing it". It does not make your relationship better. It may complicate it.

 Too late you say? I don't think so. It is a new day and you are still worth waiting for. Find someone who believes it and don’t settle.  Your decisions of today can have consequences that last a lifetime.

Don't believe me? Look around. There is no shortage of people living with the burden of their choices.

Dating and Some of the Nightmares that go along with it!

It has been a long time since I was in the dating world but that does not mean I never think about it. I have two sons not yet married who are on that very scene and trying to navigate it. To be honest, it sounds a bit  like a minefield.

I have asked our youth Pastor Jon Lefave to work with me over the next weeks/ months to help me put this mini series together.  My hope is to simply give to you some tools to navigate this journey, which is both exciting but potentially heartbreaking as well.

Some of the topics we are going to address are:
1. Respecting yourself and putting up some boundaries for your relationship.
2. What to do when Relationships get too controlling.
3. How to be an amazing first date - then and thereafter.
4. Stuff guys do that make girls feel like zero’s
5. Stuff girls do that make guys feel like zero’s
6. Some signs of the high maintenance girl/boyfriend. Why you don’t want to be like this. Take our quiz.
7. How to really impress a girl.
8. When breaking up is hard to do and how to do it with respect and integrity.
9. To commit or not commit, that is the question.
10. “Call Me Maybe... Not”
11. If I am a Christian, should I date a Non- Christian?
12. How to survive a break -up.

To begin however, we do have a few thoughts before we begin this journey. We will likely add on topics as we get inspired. We are not experts, but we do know a thing or two we think may be helpful.

Jon says : “I would like to preface all of these questions by saying that if you are in elementary school, or even early years of high school, then you should strongly consider and ask yourself the reasons as to why you are dating. Well actually there is never an age when you shouldn’t be asking yourself these questions, however for those who are significantly younger with no real vision of marriage close by, I would suggest being friends and waiting until you’re older. For those who want to follow Jesus, these can be very formative years in your life where you are learning to look to Him (Jesus) for the truths of your identity. If you enter into a dating relationship only so that they can tell you things you feel like you need to hear or else you’ll be sad or lonely, you should not be dating. Let Jesus affirm you and ground you at an early age in who you are and how much he cares for you.”

Donna says:  “I told my daughter she could date when she was 31. Finally when she turned 16 she asked me honestly, when can I date? I told her when she was 17. The whole dating thing is fun but it can be heartbreaking. When people make promises they fail to keep and in the process you get your heart broken… that is not fun.  
You need to know what you really want in a guy or girl that you are going to date and maybe one day marry.  Make a wish list. Not so much blue or brown eyes and what colour hair. Think about things like their character. How will they act towards you? Would they lie to you? Would they cheat on you? Would they disrespect you and your rules?  How do you want to be treated?  What does being loved truly look like to you? No ideas? If you have a Bible or even want to check it out online, look up 1Corinthians 13: 4-7, these verses will give you a few good ideas of what might be on your list.

So, that is your homework for this week. Look at what Jon said. Take that to heart. Then get busy on your list. 

Jesus Misses the Boat.

It would have been a simpler boat ride that morning if Jesus would have just gone with His  disciples from the get-go.

 Jesus had it firmly in His mind that He wanted some Father/Son time and sends the guys ahead. Fine.  Your heart has to go wee bit out to these guys. It’s the middle of the night, a moonlight sky (maybe, it would be nice). In the distance the guys cannot believe what they are seeing, they assume it has to be a ghost. None of them personally knew anyone who had walked on water…. Ever.

 A few weeks ago I was at a cottage, my friend waterskied barefoot. I was very impressed. Let me tell you, if he had walked behind the boat on water, I would have been speechless!!

 The guys are panicked and Jesus picks this up real quick. He says, “ Take courage, it is I. Don’t be afraid.

 It is very easy to get panicked in this life; there is no shortage of troubles.

 I am impressed that Peter and these guys did not all jump overboard! Peter asks Jesus if it really is him, to call to him and allow him to walk on water too!! (I am not so sure that is what I would have done.) Jesus invites him to come and out steps Peter, walking on water. He can honestly say, he has never done this before.!!

 Peter, distracted by the wind and the waves, takes his eyes off Jesus and starts sinking. Christ immediately responds to his plea for help. Christ does not delay.

 I think it is significant that the sea was not like glass the night Peter walked on water. How often do our lives look like that … really?

 Frequently we all find the wind and the waves overwhelming and we fail to see the One who stands right in front of us.

 He is greater and able to help us in the days of wind and waves. He sees the beginning from the end. He loves us and has good plans for our lives.

 His hand is extended to you and I. We need to reach up and grab it.

There is hope.

This entry is based on Matthew 14:22-32

Worry warts anonymous!

Does worry haunt at least some of your days? Do you feel your hands almost itching because you cannot control the very thing that has your heart weighed down?

 I come from a family of worriers. My mom was good at it , other family members were good at it. Funny how there are some things you don't have to learn, they just are. It makes me think of freckles that make themselves at home on my skin! Worry is costly though , have you ever considered that? It is like a quiet thief that steals our joy. If we worry too much, it can actually make you sick. That is what happened to me.

 I know that I do not always learn as quick as I ought. I need obvious lessons sometimes... Sadly as they may be.

One day a few years ago, my son had a very important interview. I was talking to my husband on my cell phone while walking down a very busy street. I said "good bye" to him and hung up the phone. Then stepped onto the street to cross... Right in front of a truck. He swerved to miss me and I ran almost in front of a jeep. My arms brushed his vehicle while I tried to stop. All the traffic was now stopped. I walked stunned to the other side of the road knowing that I had come ridiculously close to a very serious accident, if not death. What drove me to step out on the road you ask? Worry. It blinded me. It almost cost me my life.

Worry is not our friend. It is a greedy beast that steels our joy, skews our view, it makes us sick if we let it.

Jesus says" do not worry, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" Matthew6:34

For me, I will chose today to not worry. I will trust that God is big enough for all that weighs my heart down. How about you? What are you going to do today with your backpack of worries?

Sandy Beaches and Life?

 It is curious the way we see our lives, living like the days are without end.  One image is perhaps thinking of them as sand on a beach. On second glance we realize it is not life but rather time.

When I was 12, I had a lot of friends who discovered the "magic" of booze. Some of those friends by the time they were in grade 9 craved a greater  "high" and switched over to drugs. Acid was often the drug of choice.

 One dark night, I heard the sirens blaring and stopped just outside our apartment. There lying on the road was one of these girls. She was baby-sitting, high on something; she was running across the street for some cigarettes. Tragically, my friend did not see the delivery truck that was racing down the road. She stepped right in front of it and it was the last thing she ever did.

 I had known this girl since I had started school. It never crossed our minds that life was not like sand on the beach.

 I was thinking the other day how life is more like a huge table set with many cups of tea. Each cup is like a day and you only get one cup at a time. You also discover you never drink the same cup twice.

 The day comes however, when we have drank all the cups that were  set out for us by the One who determines our days.

 May we drink wisely and well today. May the cup, even though at times is bitter, be regarded as the precious gift it is.