The Beauty of Time Out and Kids

I was thinking back to when my kids were small and the role “ Time out” played. I remember it was really a big deal and it helped them and it helped me.

I remember one day in particular, one of my boys were being really difficult and I felt like tearing my hair out. It was a rainy day and all four kids were pretty tired of being inside and behaviour was not exactly stellar in the Dyck household. I realized that there was one boy who was behind a lot of the grief.

Sometimes we don’t hear ourselves repeating ourselves over and over again. That was me on this day. Like I said last week…. parenting children who do not listen to you is exhausting. I do remember that day thinking '“ what this boy needs is a time out”. I know it is not rocket science but it is really easy to not catch on to what is really needed. It is good to ask questions which I see parents do and if that is enough to curb the behaviour which is not acceptable- then that is perfect. Parents do need another tool in the parenting tool box to reach for when just a conversation was not enough and for me, that was a time out.

I found that it would change the behaviour. I have heard the phrase “reset” and for many kids, it is highly effective. There was times where I gave a 5 or 10 minute time out and it was not long enough. Nothing had changed and I would send them back to their bed to take some more time. I remember several times that when I sent one of the kids, especially when they were very young, I would find them asleep when I would go to tell them that 5 or 10 minutes was up. Sometimes the kids are just plain tired.

I realize that” time outs” do not work for every kid. I was lucky I suppose because they did work for mine. Time-outs gave me the time to calm down if I was really upset about what I was seeing and time for the child to think about what they could do differently. I would always talk to the child about what happened and what they were going to do differently. The child always knew that I meant what I said. I would try to follow up accordingly if they did not change their behaviour.

I was by no means a perfect mom but I certainly tried my best. I had good days and bad days. Remembering that giving a kid “ time out” was often part of a good day as it made the day much more enjoyable for everyone.

How long that time out was depended on how old they are but I confess I did start them pretty young, Willful defiance - when a child does not listen in my humble opinion needs to be addressed. The sooner the better. Kids need to know that listening to mom or dad when they say “ don’t jump into the deep end of the pool” needs to be obeyed. If they learn that listening is optional then that can become a big and even dangerous problem not only that, it can become habit forming and that can be a nightmare for the child and for the parent.

May God give to you wisdom as you parent. It is the hardest job to date that I have had the privilege of doing. I certainly needed all the help I could get and still do from a source that was beyond myself and for me that is always God.

The Most Exhausting Thing in Parenting

Parenting is likely the most rewarding thing a parent will do in their lifetime and also the hardest. I remember my best summer with my four kids in the parenting department. It was the summer I lost my voice. I could only whisper for two months.

When I spoke to the kids, they listened. I could not repeat myself over and over nor could I yell. The kids believed me when I spoke. I would get down to their level and say what I had to say and make sure they understood. They usually whispered back.

Children need to believe that you really are the one in charge. They can have their opinions and we can listen to them, but if your opinion never seems to trump theirs’ you are really in trouble. There are also times when listening to their opinion is not optional. I think when every moment of parenting is a debate, that is also exhausting.

It is utterly exhausting to repeat yourself 5 or 6 times and until they really believe you mean what you say. Until then, they are not going to listen. Listening is not something that is done on their timetable, but yours.

What happens if we raise kids that don’t listen? Will they listen when they get a job? Will they listen when a car is coming and they are going to run into the road? Will they listen when it is truly in their best interest? What about at school and their relationship with teachers?

Authority is given to us as parents and we need to use it wisely. We need children to grow up and be humble enough to listen and wise enough to believe that what those in authority are saying is important.

Listening is underrated in my humble opinion. I believe that part of raising children to be wise is to teach them to listen.