In our work with the streets of downtown Toronto, one thing we have noticed among many of those struggling with addiction/mental illness is this. Many have little to no contact with their families.

If there is one thing anyone who loves someone lost in this struggle knows, it is how hard these loved ones can make be to love!

When I think about how we managed to keep those relationships going in the middle of the mess of addiction, this image comes to my mind.

Years ago, our family would go backwoods camping. It would involve carrying canoes and all kinds of supplies over portages. Those portages, with our heavy loads, were always challenging. The worst was when it was raining, and the paths were littered with roots and rock, adding to that the bridges. They were often slippery and uneven. You could not just stroll along you had to consider each step and not rush. The load you carried made the path even more challenging.

Relationships with someone particularly struggling with active addiction take a similar practice. Each step is careful. The load is heavy and often awkward. No two are the same and it takes a boatload of wisdom, patience, and a ton of grace.

1 Cor. 13 reminds us that love is patient and it is kind and keeps no record of wrongs. That is much easier to live this out with people who are doing well and quite another thing when it is when we are talking about an addict or someone with mental illness.

Many people give up on those who are struggling because it seems like there is no way forward. As we become exhausted and stripped of all hope there are those days when keeping that relationship going was very challenging, but we would tell you, it is worth it.

Keeping the door open was a priority we worked at hard every day and no it was not easy. We did it one day at a time and step by step with much prayer.

We also invited Christ to share the load. Matthew 28:30 “ Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

When difficult relationships are in our lives- looking to Christ to share the weight makes a big difference, at least it certainly did for us. We need wisdom, strength, and peace in the middle of the mess. Christ can give that.

Many days were harder than others, we would go to God over and over in a day, asking for wisdom to know what we could do that was helpful and what was not. Setting healthy boundaries is very important.

The last point I would make is this. Bill and I were and always will be on the same page. We had to struggle some days to get there, but we did. As the challenges came, we stood united. That was helpful.

Dear Father,

Thank you for being willing to be my burden bearer. I lay down the hard relationships in my life and ask that you take the weight off of me. Watch over my loved one and do what I cannot. I ask for your peace, strength, and wisdom for today. Thank you, Father,

In Jesus Name,

Amen.