The Beauty of Thanksgiving Among the Poor

Last week at our weekly supper at church,  I served coffee, tea and hot chocolate to about one hundred and fifty  homeless and street involved people. I was not suprised that they said thank you, but rather how they said it. I knew they meant it all the way down to their toes.

Over that passed several years of working with these dear people, there are a few " thanksgiving" encounters that stand out in my memory.

 I remember one cold winter day, one guy came up, his feet were a mess. His boots were rotted by salt and the wet slushy snow of downtown Toronto streets. We told him we had a parish nurse who would care for his feet. While our wonderful nurse cared for his very sore feet, we went in searchof  new ( new to him) boots and brand new socks. When the guy came out with his new boots and socks he was ecstatic. He could not say thank you enough. I have never seen such joy and celebration over one pair of socks and boots in my life.

Another evening we had the privilege of handing out a few hand knit sweaters to some of the street involved friends we know well. One lady had been struggling with breast cancer. When I gave her this sweater, her eyes filled with tears. She felt like a million bucks. She knew that she mattered and was so thankful. That sweater is her most prized of all the clothing she owns. She said no one had ever knit her a sweater in her life. I think the wonderful ladies who did the knitting, had equal joy in making these sweaters for these people. 

One night was kind of funny in a weird sort of way. A guy came up after our meal was done, chapel service was all packed up and we were cleaning. All he had on was a cement bag around his waist. That was it. Not even socks! This does not happen often (I feel I need to tell you). He begged us to open the clothing rooms that were now all packed up. Of course we did. We found him everything he needed. Sadly no underwear, we were out of them by that time of night. They are a very popular item! Was he thankful? Yes he was. What happened to his clothes. We did not ask. Some things are better off not knowing!

It is good for us all to be thankful for the big and the small things that enrich all of our lives. Maybe on this weekend of Thanksgiving we will take a moment to say thank you for as much as we are able! In God's word we are told many times to give thanks... and we all have much to be thankful for.

Thank you for reading today! Happy Thanksgiving!

Drunk Again

I remember my 16th birthday for one thing, my dad showed up drunk. I remember the embarrassment I felt in front of my friends. I do not remember now even who the friends were or what we did, only my dad. I was angry with him. Though I know my anger accomplishes nothing. 

Every week, there was a knot in my stomach that would grow. I found eating made me feel sick. I knew my dad had been sober a few days and he was due to drink again. I would dread coming home from school. Anger,fear and deep sadness would walk home with me .I would open the door and there in the hall is the 12 pack- it was open. He would be 3 beers in. Not too bad yet. As the evening went on, the classical music would be on, I would be forced to listen to it as he felt it would make me ... I have no idea what. I hated classical music for years. Just hearing it would put a knot in my stomach. 

How do you navigate life when you are watching someone you love so much,destroy themselves week after week? They spend money the family does not have. They wreck what could have been a nice evening home...again. They disappoint you and say horrible things.

There is no simple answer that is for sure. Fighting with them just gives them an excuse and ridiculous proof in their minds that they have a right to drink and get drunk because look at what they have put up with at home. Making them feel worthless is not helpful, most alcoholics I know feel more then worthless all ready. No amount of cleaning or nice things you try to do for them is going to stop the from drinking.  I wish it would work like that. But it does not. 

Unless they want to quit really bad, stop blaming and take responsibility nothing is going to stop them. Alcoholism is a family disease. It affects every person,sometimes right down to the cat or dog who hide when the drinker comes homes drunk. They even know to get out of the way. 

I know sometimes people use something called intervention. I cannot talk much about it as I know very little on the topic. I do know that when an alcoholic is sick of the mess of their lives and the devastating effect it is having on others, then quitting becomes an possible. Alcoholics Anonymous remains in my mind one of the best  programs available. The rehabilitation programs are good but if the individual does not keep going to AA it is very likely they will relapse. It has to be part of their life. They need to learn to think differently among other things..like dealing with life honestly.

I will never discount however the power of prayer. I know that through my prayers, God in His kindness has reached down into the lives of those I love and rescued them. Jesus was and is my comfort and my strength. He gave me wisdom to navigate difficult paths then and ever since. In the book of Psalms it says that God is a  very present help in times of trouble. I can tell you that is true. 

If you are in trouble today, whatever kind of trouble, invite Him into the middle of it. He will not make every problem go away,but He does give wisdom to you if you seek Him with your whole heart. 

My Top Ten Reasons for Poor Decisions

1. Fear can be a poor leader.Fear can prevent us from really seeing the truth that is obvious to others.

2. Feeling hurt or wounded,can really lead us down a path we may regret very quickly.

3.Pressure or not enough time to condsider the difference/consequences this decision can truly make on you or those you love.

4. Bordom-does not always dictate a wise decison.

5.Anger is a very dangerous place to make wise choices!

6. Decisions based souly on the experience of another

7. Failure to ask God what He thinks and taking the time to listen to His response.

8. Wanting to rescue or to be a hero is a poor reason to make a big decision. It is good to be kind but you still need your decisions to be based out of the proper motivation. We need to ask ourselves the right questions.

9. Being tired or overwhelmed-both lead to decisions that are not necessarily the best for you or for others.

10. The default mode- does not mean the decision is the best one for today. Take the needed time to consider truly if this is indeed the smartest move for right now.

In a time where everything is seemingly in the fast lane, demands and a kind heart can lead to bad decisons. Perhaps this week, take the time to reflect  on why you make the decisions you make. If I forgot a glaring reason, (and it will not shock me if I did) do not hesitate to add your toughts in the comment section. 

Have a great day! God Bless you and lead you in your decisions that face you today.

White Knuckle Trusting

Bowing your head to say thank you for the food sitting right there in front of you, is not nearly as hard as when there is none to speak of. When was the last time you had to trust God for something that was no where in sight?

When we first moved to Toronto, Bill and I were nicer or perhaps more niave then we are today. I was running a group for recovering alcocholics and addicts and became good friends with the folks there. One of the guys loved guitar. I offered him( asked Bill first of course) to borrow Bill's guitar. I trusted God and this guy that we would see the guitar again. It was the one Bill used every Sunday to lead worship. He did not have a closet full of them.

Well... weeks passed, I prayed ferverently. I knew that Bill really loved that guitar. So , I prayed more. I prayed scripture, you name it, i did it. Never did have we seen that guitar again. 

While that was a huge loss to Bill, he was given another...not quite as amazing but amazing none the less. We were grateful.

Praying over that old guitar does not touch the agony of prayer for loved ones who are making bad choices and even seriously endangering their lives. Perhaps you know exactly what I am talking about. 

I have agonized in prayer for my dad, then my brother then a kid or two of mine. It takes alot of faith and trust some days I tell you. 

One particualarly rough night I was praying for one of my boys and the Lord spoke to me. He said only a few words but that was all I needed. He said" I do not abandon the  work of My Hands". He has heard my prayers and all my sighs. Those dear to our hearts cannot escape His sight. There is nowhere they can go, where The Good Shepherd cannot be. 

The comfort that the Lord Jesus gives to me, honestly, I can hardly describe to you. I have walked some pretty rough pathways these last months. God does not abandon us. He never forgets His own. He does not answer us every time the exact way we had in mind, but He does answer. Not mater what, He will meet us if we ask Him. He longs to do that simply because He loves us. 

Redirected!

This is Macy. She loves this little train thing. She walks behind it, pushing it down our street with a big smile on her face. That is until she pushed it onto the grass and her progress was stopped! Her nose scrunched up and she was not happy. Help was needed to get this adventure back on the road. I thought about how we are a bit like Macy. Road blocks of all kinds come our way.

She was in a hurry to keep pushing this train down the sidewalk. What I found most curious was the small corrections I made of the steering wheel which prevented her from pushing the train back onto the grass. She did not even notice. I love this little girl and want to see her succeed in her task. She was not even aware of the many little adjustments I was making along the way.

You have to wonder, how many adjustments does God make for you in a day? You very possibly don't even notice His quiet intervention. He sets up meetings that would never have happened - some would call that chance, I call it God- who loves you so much. You matter to Him and His heart is for you.

I took great pleasure in helping Macy not get stuck on the grass. God is not unlike that. He loves to lead His people.

Yet, sometimes I did let Macy get stuck up on that grass. She was going too fast and would have fallen on the sidewalk and that would not have felt good. Sometimes God allows us to get "stuck on the grass" as well. He is driven by love and sees what we do not. Isaiah 43:4a- says this" Since you are precious and honoured in my sight,and because I love you...His love is not a casual love. Rather it is a love that is deeper and more powerful then the greatest love you have known on this earth. This God, who loves you like that, directs your steps.

Sometimes we find ourselves stuck "on the grass" and for good reason, though we cannot see it at the time. He asks you and I to trust Him still. One of the hardest places to trust God is when we find ourselves in that "stuck and waiting kind of place". It is not hard to feel forgotten by God and others when we are in this place. You are not forgotten. He will not abandon you. Wait for Him. He will instruct you in the way you should go. Everyone finds themselves "stuck on the grass" at some point. You are not the first.

"We can make our plans,but the Lord determines our steps"Proverbs 16:9(NLT)

Discerning when a "word or dream " is from God

I have been riveted by some things I have heard said among Christians. They are words that sound spiritual for sure...sort of like something in the Bible,but they are not.

Over the years I have had dreams that seemed like God was warning me of something, twice in particular. Both times the dreams left me fearful and paranoid. 

I have looked to people over the years to speak into my life. Many times their words have brought great encouragement to my heart. I was strengthened and built up in my faith.

Yet, it is not always this way. I have received hard words from people. Yet, I knew God was in it. The word, though difficult to to hear,challenged me to make a wrong right between my self and another and ultimately God.

Then there are the hard words when God is no where near it. It discourages and my heart feels very heavy.Sometimes all I feel is panic threatning to rise and confusion dancing all over my heart.

How can we know when something we have heard or dreamt is from God?

You will know it by its fruit. In the book of James chapter 3:13-17- it is laid out for us. Humility is present always. What is given from a heart that is holding onto bitter envy and selfish ambition breed wisdom that is earthly and feelings of guilt,confusion and anxiety follow quickly on its heals.

Yet a word that is truly from God will never contridict what He says in His word. James 3:17 says that wisdom from God is " first of all pure; then peace loving, considerate,submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere."

If someone comes to you claiming they have a "word" for you, remember the fruit that anything that God brings to us will possess fruit which reflect Christ. Jesus delivered some pretty tough words to people, but humility was always present. His life was full of good deeds, done in humility. It is out of a heart filled with His love that life giving words are spoken.

That dream I had years ago haunted me and scared me deeply. A wise person reminded me to look at the fruit this dream was producing. Peace was absent. It produced only confusion. I dismissed this as nothing more then a nightmare.

 As comments or words are received, they need to be thought and prayed through carefully. If it has grabbed your heart and emotions, examine the fruit which becomes evident. Then you will be able to discern how to respond.

Changing our point of view!

It is not easy to change what you feel when you feel it deeply. It is not bad if you don't really care one way or another. When it is a matter of the heart, that is different. 

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 it  the Bible talks about love that is patient and kind, that does not seek its own way,which sounds amazing. It also says  that love is not easily angered. When everything is going your way, none of this is hard to live out. When you feel deeply about something and have no shartage of thing so say-but silence is required... that is difficult. 

With a head full of opinions and witty things to say, silence is the right choice at times. Not everything that is happening before our eyes is given to us to share our amazing thoughts on the matter at hand.

I saw a t-shirt today and wished I could just borrow it for a day. It said" Keep life simple- do it my way". 

I was struggling deeply over this very thing. I wanted to say so badly what was on my heart yet I knew that is would be unwise to say. What I feel is true, is not always profitable to speak out loud. 

How does a person go about changing a deeply held point of view. Clearly, every one goes about it a little differently. While I was not sleeping and obsessing over the matter at hand, finally I realized how unfair I was being. I wanted others to make choices that served my agenda. It took me a long time before I could see that. Fear drives alot of things at times. I have said it before and say it again" fear is a poor leader". 

You need to be quiet long enough to get passed the emotions that are screaming in your head and heart and then ask yourself the tough questions. If you can get passed what is staring at you, perhaps you can find a different way to look at what is before you. 

I prayed a long time before peace came to my heart. I solved nothing of this situation, but I can tell you this: I have peace. 

God leads us all differently. Letting those around us be lead can be challenging. Clearly when they are doing something that is harmful to themselves or others, silence is not a good idea. I am only talking about decisions you do not prefer and choosing to look from a different vantage point. 

I looked beyond today and into the future and see that even if this choice that is being made is not my preference, it will be okay. The sun will still rise and there are many good days ahead. God is trustworthy and I can rest in Him.

I hope something of my rambling has helped someone out there! God Bless each of you today!

Angels on Assignment

There is a fascination among many over angels. I have not met a ton of angels, but my husband Bill had a cool encounter one day. 

It was a cold sleeting October day. He was out handing out lunches one Sunday afternoon. It was a miserable day to say the least. Bill and others, would often bring lunches to the homeless on the streets of Toronto. After giving out several lunches, he approached a fellow he had never met before. This guy was different. In his hands was a wooden angel he had been carving. He looked Bill in the eye and said" God sees everything you do and is pleased." Bill was warmed all the way down to his toes. 

Another time, was when we were on holidays with our kids. We had stopped for lunch. It was a beautiful day. Our vehicle was new. We had no problems with it. When we were finished our quick lunch break, we were ready to continue our journey. We jumped in the car, seat belts on.... the car would not start. This made no sense whatsoever. Bill looked under the hood, nothing looked unusual. He sat back in the car with us. We prayed and asked God for His intervention. A few minutes passed and the car started. Off we went, mystified but thankful. 

As we got onto the highway and had driven not more then ten minutes, the traffic slowed. A semi truck was accross the highway, people were in the ditches, cars all over the place. It had happened only minutes ago. We had just missed it. 

If eyes could see, perhaps there was an angel on assignment that day. Our hearts were heavy for the people who were in this accident certainly. We were grateful for our vehicle that would not start only minutes ago. 

In the Bible, it says that we entertain angels unaware. It also says that escapes of death belong to the Lord. God watches over you and I because He loves us. He cares for you every day. We do not know how many times He has intervened on our behalf, likely more then you know!

Jumping to Conclusions

It is stunning how easy it is to jump to the worse case scenario when faced with a situation which seems impossible. You have heard all the horror stories of others. Your stomach is in a knot and fear is nipping at your heart.

Sound familiar? It seems this path is nearest by and very often walked. I have found myself there many times. It is a place where there is little room for hope or the impossible. It is dark on this path and sometimes the only ones on it are full of bad news. They confirm all my fears. 

I have no idea what you are facing today. I know what my battle is. It terrifies me. Doing internet searches does not help me. More knowledge is not always helpful. Even as I write this, my stomach is in a knot. All that seems to be there is the worst case scenario's. If I keep reading, I am not going to sleep for a week!

So, I changed my search today. I looked up best case senario! Much better! It soothes my heart for the moment, butI know it won't last. I need something that will really calm my fears. 

We are full of our solutions and suggestions and knowlege. There is nothing wrong with that. We need to know what we are dealing with. Do some homework- go for it. 

Remember this one truth my friend- all your reading is not the final word. In the book of Mark in the Bible, we find Jesus out with his disciples. Jesus is having a nap in the back of the boat. The disciples are not having a good time. There is a storm raging! The waves are high and they are not thinking or acting like things are going well. These guys were fishermen before they were disciples; they know what a bad day looks like. This is one of them! They know when the waves and wind is too high. The wonder of wonders is Jesus sleeping at the back of the boat! How did he not roll of the bench? Well they woke him up and Jesus with only a few words spoken; calmed the storm. You can read the story in Mark4:35-41.

When you invite Jesus into whatever you are facing, it changes things. Sometimes dramatically, sometimes it is not so dramatically. His presence always makes a difference. When Jesus brings peace to your heart, things are already different. You make better decisions when they are not driven by fear. That in itself is amazing. Wisdom has a chance to prevail. Fear messes up decision in our lives. 

The wisdom and peace that comes from God is a game changer. Perspective is a big deal. That is what God promises us if we seek Him before all else. 

Kevin's Story

For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated by the physiques of superheroes, male celebrities, and then guys I knew.  After coming home from camp one summer and realizing that one of my guy friends didn't share the romantic feelings I had for him, I went for a walk in the middle of the night.  I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about it, and I felt like I was going to explode with anxiety and frustration. 

Unable to speak, I wrote a note to God that started with this line; “Why would you make me this way, and tell me not to live it out?”  I knew that God wasn't an idiot, so I figured I had one of two options.  Either: a) he made me gay, so I should be gay.  b) he didn't make me that way, something else was responsible for my attractions (inborn or not), and so I had to pursue a life that didn't involve having a boyfriend.  

 When “Born This Way” was released, I felt Lady Gaga did a good job of summing up an attitude that I had witnessed for a while; “I was born with a desire, therefore it is my right to have that desire fulfilled.”  It's a persuasive line of thinking, and I really wanted it to be true.  Then one day, I read Psalm 51 where David says “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.”  That struck me.  It didn't matter if I was born a certain way or not.  I had felt Jesus call me to follow Him, and to surrender my life to Him.  

 It didn't matter what I felt, His call to me was louder and more important than my sexual attractions.

 I made the decision not to pursue attraction to guys over six years ago.  I still like looking at guys, that hasn't changed too much.  However, God has healed and transformed me in other ways I never expected.  Apparently my sexuality wasn't the only thing that needed fixing!  I don't question my gender at all anymore, even though I struggled with that even more than I did with my attractions.  I once had a fear of most males, and now I have many healthy, deep relationships with guys of all ages.  Most exciting is that God has given me a great hope and desire for a family, of which I had none a long time ago.  In God's time, it will happen.  He can do anything. 

 Thanks for listening. Kevin.

Mad at God?

Lots of people are mad at God. You pray hard for loved ones to get healed, and they are not healed. People suffer, you suffer. Bad things happen. Surely, everyone should be mad at God.

I remember when I was 19 years old and my dad died. When I finished being devastated , I was upset with God. I had asked God to take care of my dad while I went off to Bible College. We had a deal! Then after only 1 1/2 semesters, dad died of a massive heart attack. How was that caring or loving for that matter?

My heart was broken. My faith was a bit wobbly to be honest with you.I wondered if I could really trust God? I knew He was powerful enough to keep my dad from dying, but he still died. I was mad!

A mad heart can lead to a hard heart. That is what I had. I didn't feel much. I froze all those. It is easier. Finally the day came when He and I had "the talk"

Somehow amidst my steeled up heart, God seemed to be calling to me. I missed our daily talks. I still needed the peace and guidance that's Jesus brought daily to my life. I missed not leaning on Him every day. 

I poured my heart out to Him about my disappointment and heart break. He listened. I don't remember if He said anything to me. He did however soothe my heart and brought peace to it. He was not mad at me because I was mad at Him. I forgave Him for not keeping my dad from dying. 

 I know I am no apologist. I barely passed that course truth be told. However, I still figured out a thing or two; and this is it. While I do not get God and the bad stuff that happens in my life or in the lives of people I love, we are left with choices. Are we going to be mad or still trust God even when we do not understand Him and do not have all the details?

We don't know what is around the corner or up the hill. I know that bad things happen to people. There are alot of questions I have for God when I get to heaven. In the meantime, I choose to trust Him, amidst the confusion and heartbreak. He does still give peace and comfort in our sorrows if we seek Him. 

Here is a real shocker- God does not have to explain Himself to me! There may come I day we will understand why some things happen. For the most part my friend, we won't. God still loves you. He still cares for you. One day, at the end of time, He will wipe every tear from the eyes of His children. 

He sees every tear that falls and every sigh that is breathed. Psalm 40 talks about how after waiting patiently for God , He lifted us out of the slimy pit. He sets us on a rock and gives us a firm place to stand. Then in His love for us, He gives a new song. 

Maybe today that is what you need. You are not alone. Others have walked this same path. May you meet God the Father on it and know His love for you, even in the middle of your suffering.

The Sting of Unforgiveness

I was thinking this morning of how unforgiveness is like a wasp sting. You feel it all over nor it is not easy to ignore. Either when  you fail to accept an apology which is being offered to you, (even when given humbly and honestly), it lives a sting.

In the same way, when you are on the asking for forgiveness end and the person will not give it to you; this can feel like a wasp sting also.

You might think you are left untouched by not forgiving, but that is where the lie creeps in. Unforgiveness has a way of changing how we see the world. It seems to affect our hearing. In my mind, it is like looking at life through a dirty window. It becomes diffucult to see the beauty outside. It can make us over sensitive and critical. There is little room for the wounded heart to heal if we are clinging to a grudge.

 Then there is the other side. Have you ever asked someone to forgive you yet it is clear that they are not going to give it? You may even grovel a bit. No matter how much you plead, they look down at you. Situations like this can haunt you- at least it does me.

I hate when someone is mad at me and will not forgive  regardless of how often I have asked for it. It feels like bitter rejection. Sort of like coming to a dinner table set for people that are a big deal to you yet, there is no place set for you. Walking away, your heart is heavy, rejected and maybe a bit angry also. 

It is not easy to just leave it alone either. Yet, there really is no choice is there? If they will not release you, what are your options. You have humbly apoligized. The ball is in their court and now it is up to them. 

The place I have found comfort in times like these is Psalm 37:3-6. As the one who apogized and your apology is unaccepted, you have to keep living. Just like these verses say. Do good in the land you find yourself. One day things may change. May you find comfort in the wait. There are still sunny days and many great things to set our heart on.

If you are the one who needs to forgive, all I would say, you have been forgiven much in your life. All of us have. No one is perfect. Life is short. Grugdes are heavy and life sucking. You do yourself no favors. It was Jesus who said "As a person sows, so shall he reap". As we extend grace, it is given back to us. Perhaps not today, but one day. 

Have a great day.

Man Of Steel aka: My Dad -By Michael Dyck

My father has been a man I have bragged about since a little boy. He is 53 and still has a 6-pack (Hopefully that's a family genetic.) He ran in the Toronto marathon and came 87th out of 2000 people at the age of 45. When he was my age he could bench press more then twice his weight. These were all things that I saw as impressive, but were not things my Dad ever told me to strive for.

Above all things my father taught me to love God with my whole heart. These were not just words that my father spoke, but words he lives out. He wakes up everyday at 5:30 (except Mondays) and prays and spends time with God. Life is made to be filled with love.

The second most important thing my father taught me was to love people. I understand very well it is hard to love people sometimes. People are hurtful towards each other and say and do things that cut so deep, its hard to think that the wound could ever heal. Forgiving is something that goes against our world today. My father told me to forgive because Christ first forgave me. I honestly hated it when he said that to me, but I trusted my Dad, so I would forgive. Its hard to sometimes to swallow the pride, anger, frustration and hurt to truly say, "I forgive you." It is hard, but there is a freedom that comes with it :) 

In a few words what my dad taught me, "Love God above all things, and love others." 

Love is hard, but there is not other way! Jesus is the only One who can supply all I need.

Happy Fathers Day.

Michael Dyck

Just a partier or maybe more?

There are two kinds of drinkers, the ones who do it because it is fun and that is it. In their heart, is a take it or leave it attitude. They do not need to drink to have fun. When the case runs out and they had only one beer, no big deal.

Then there is the guy/girl who are sweating over it. They were thinking about that beer all day long. In fact they think about it all day, most days. 

Drinking alcohol can cover up shyness, awkward moments, cover up stuff you don't want to face on the inside. Sound familiar?

If you drink when you go to a party, or you walk yourself to the bar on a regular basis, you need to pay attention. It is a dangerous road you are on my friend, the ending is not a happy one. 

If you miss work because of drinking- pay attention. 

If you lie to go drinking, or hide that you were drinking- that matters.

If you think about it all day, wondering how you will get some- take note.

If you find a new excuse you drink each time- that also is a yellow flag

If your drinking is messing with relationships in your life - it is not going to stop, it will just get worse.

If you wake up with no memory after being at a party- that is also a danger flag.

Please know, you do not have to check yes to all these questions to be a problem drinker.

The biggest challenge a for anyone with a problem with drinking is admitting you have a problem. The next is the "want to" stop. 

If your life is out of control, even a little bit, because of alcohol or drugs, you need help. It is very hard to do alone. Alcoholics Anonymous  or Narcotics Anonymous list all their meetings locations online. They have meetings all over the world. They also have more questions for you to answer. I know my list is not complete.

The first step that you need to take is;

1. Admit you have a problem, your life is in trouble then ask God to help you. 

Alcoholism and drug misuse, is a very big deal. You do not think so, check out the lives of some older people you know who has ruined their lives. There is no shortage of examples if you have the guts to look around.

It takes tremendous determination and humility to quit drinking. No one hopes that one day, they will be a problem drinker or an addict. Stuff happens.

The question is; how far down this road to you want to wander before you get off? There are addictions counsellors, people who care for you...really care. Don't go to your party friends. Who has walked this road and managed to get off it? Do you know someone? Ask them for advice.

It is a tough road. I am cheering for you all the way. It takes alot of guts to look in a mirror and see yourself truly. Then to go one step further and do something about it? Wow, that is impressive.

One day, if you have the courage to be honest, you will be able to help another who is on the very road you are on today. 

God loves you and your life is important. Don't let any substance steal that from you. You are not worthless. Your life is worth fighting for. 

May God give you courage my friend. You are not the first, you can do it with God's help, one day at a time.

The Other Side of Alcoholism

The pain of watching someone make self destructive choices day after day, is heart-break defined. It is a storm of emotions. You are angry, hurt and fearful, all at the same time. 

You try every trick in the book, hoping things will change. I remember cleaning my house as best as I could as a kid, thinking maybe that would keep my dad from drinking. No amount of begging or pleading, would stop him from walking out that door to do exactly what he had set his heart on to do. 

I stood there feeling betrayed, unloved and discarded. All my young heart wanted to do, was save my dad from himself. I just wanted a dad who could hold a job, pay the bills and keep his word.

The hardest thing in my mind about alcoholism, is you cannot fix them. There is not really a medication they can take that will make this monster go away. The individual has to want to quit. They have to come to the end of themselves and be really sick of the mess they are making of their lives and the hearts they are breaking all around them. 

Making dad feel guilty was never helpful. I tried that also. He in turn would make me feel guilty. You see with alcoholics' in their sick minds, they like to blame their need to drink on you or whatever thing they can conger up. Hiding the liquor doesn't work either, they just get more. I tried that too. 

I remember well, the constant knot in my stomach and I felt it constantly. I went to Alateen for kids of Alcoholics, that did help. It was good to know I was not alone on this wretched journey. There were others who also had to endure this thing called Alcoholism- a family disease. And it does cause dis-ease to everyone, right down to the cat who hides when he  would come home.

I loved all I learned in Alateen, but honestly needed someone who could soothe my soul and calm my fears. Alateen and the great people there could not do it for me. I needed someone who could be there all the time. I needed someone I could really talk to as much as I wanted and who would care deeply. 

When I started to write in my diary to Jesus, that is when I found my peace. When I was given a Bible I would read the Psalms. There is hope there for the despairing heart. Psalm 91 in the bible, is a beautiful Psalm that talks about God.n"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord,"He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust".

Perhaps you know someone you love who is putting a knot in your stomach and is breaking your heart at the same time. We all need someone to go to with our burdens and troubles. Go to Jesus. He cares for you. He sees your pain and suffering. He hears your cries and see your tears. You matter to Him even if you feel like you do not matter to anyone else. You do matter to God. He created you and He knows you. He waits for you as He waits for me. He will not make your life perfect, but He will give you peace in the storm and wisdom. Seek Him. Read your Bible. There is hope and life for you there. 

When you are shaking in your boots!

Fear might grip your heart several times a week, especially if you drive a bike in downtown Toronto! That is why I drive a car or take the transit. Even then, there can be some alarming circumstances! I am working on getting the courage together to ride my bike though! 

When I was cliff climbing, going up the side of a huge cliff, I was not frightened - it just made me mad. The rocks to grab on to seemed consistently out of reach. Where my foot was supposed to go was by my ear!! I did make it up to the top. The scary part was repelling down. That first step off the side of the cliff is jammed in my head for all time. That is one kind of fear.

Then there is the kind that keeps your stomach is a knot. When someone you love is sick, or mad at you and you can't easily resolve it. Or when you have said more then you should  and now it haunts you. What do you do? I sure try to make right what I can, but I can't always. I can't heal people. For me, when my daughter was sick, that tops the list for things that put my stomach in a knot. Watching your kid suffer and not being able to make the sickness go away is awful. I did not know if she would live or not. She was wasting away. I am happy to say, she did make it and is going great! 

In the middle of the nightmare you face, what do you do? How do you handle the knot in your stomach? I was reading today and found this verse. It brings peace to my heart. Perhaps it will for you even if what is causing your knot is totally different than myself or even what makes your friends fearful.

God says " Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God". I will strengthen and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10. 

Peace to you today!

People in your bad books!

Have you ever had someone do or say something that was unbelievably nasty and hurtful?

You can plan your sweet revenge. You can defend yourself to anyone who cares to listen. To me  it is sort of like having coke with extra hot salsa and chips, except in living colour. It adds acid to your heart. It does not bring the expected relief from the hurt and embarrassment they inflicted on you. Your revenge might be sweet for the moment, but it's really is the stuff that poisons your soul.

I have had my share of unkindness and hurtful things, said to me and about me. My natural response is to get even. I am good with words and pretty quick witted. I would be very good at getting even.

Maybe you are reading this and thinking " well, you never had your boyfriend/ girlfriend stolen from you", and you would be right. I never did. Nor would I stick with a guy who allowed himself to be stolen. You are worth more then that. Don't forget . 

It is incredible that according to the Bible Gods says" do not repay evil for evil" 1 Peter 3:9. If that does not shock you, it goes on to say, "do not return insult for insult"! Then if that was not mind blowing enough He says that we are to "bless" people. Imagine that. Blessing those who curse you! That sounds crazy doesn't it?

When nothing is really bugging you, no big deal. Different though when you have a big bee in your bonnet. I have an on going issue that is like a huge bee in my bonnet. I would love to retaliate for the grief this person has caused my family. It is not small and does not go away. I lost sleep when it all started. I was so mad!!  Finally, one day when I was walking my dog, I started to think about this passage. I didn't like what I was hearing. Yet.. this truth, was sinking into my heart. I started by praying and forgiving this person for the tremendous grief she had caused me. Did I want to forgive her? No. Did God want me to ? Yes. So.. Even with my teeth gritted I prayed. Then I started to pray Gods blessing on her. My anger which was chewing at me, slwoly started to ebb away. Is it all resolved? No... I wish it was. One day maybe. I have no idea how it will turn out. I do know this though; bitterness does not define me. I have peace where there was none.

How about you? Anyone in your bad books today? Maybe letting go and letting God take care of things? Forgive, bless, don't curse. Show kindness but be wise also. God asks kind of crazy sounding stuff of us. Yet, if you actually do it, it leads to peace. 

When hope seems a bit like a squished bug

Everyone has been there at some point in life. Yet, often you feel alone. Walking over to mail some of my books today, I got to thinking how easy it is to lose hope. Rain was dripping on my face as my umbrella was not working at all. Too many rainstorms I'd say. In my mind it might reflect  how it feels on a hopeless day. Things don't work as they should. People let you down or maybe even your job is on the line. 

Hope may not seem like a big deal to you at the moment, but it is. You need a hope to get up in the morning and to keep going. Hope is the belief that things will get better. 

When I was 12 and everything in my life seemed to fall apart, I was without hope. It seemed no one cared my dad had left us. My mom was overwhelmed trying to care for my sister and I. Where do you go when hope is absent? A day without hope is like a rainy day and sleeping in seems more inviting then getting up to face the day.

It was then I started to write in my diary "Dear Jesus" instead of Dear friend. There comes a day when we need to look beyond ourselves. I know that there are a lot of people who say you need to look within. Well, when I looked within, all I could see was a train wreck. I needed someone bigger and that someone bigger was not secretly stored away inside me. Jesus did not make my life perfect,rather He brought peace where there was only despair and hope where frankly, there was none. 

When you think about your own life, how are you doing really? Do you feel lost? Unnoticed? Call out to Jesus. He will come to you just like He came to me. I was no one special. Just a girl with a broken heart in need of hope and healing. Don't get Jesus mixed up with people. In the Bible, you will find a book there called Mark. as you read it,you will find out just who He really is. He hung out with pretty messed up people of all ages. God promises you and me, if we look for Him with our whole heart ,we will find Him. He has buckets of hope to fill your life with..honestly. You matter to Him.

When are we going to be Okay?

 There was this mirror in the place my  husband Bill and I were staying. Honestly, it made me look at least an inch bigger on both sides of me. That may be no big deal to some, but it was too me. I was discouraged every time I passed by. It drove Bill nuts! He got tired of hearing about it.

"Dove" keeps doing these campaigns helping especially women figure out that there is no perfect shape or even size. Maybe you believe that in your head, but do you believe it in your heart? There can be alot of distance between the two!

it is a challenge when in North America being size two or size 8 is seen as the "right" size to be. Are they more loved because they are? No! 

I think we need to be kinder to ourselves. Eat healthy, exercise for sure, but give yourself a break. Say nice things when you look in the mirror!! 

We are loved because of who we are. The kindness we show, the love we share. The laughter we inspire in others. The way you make people feel like they matter. These are the kind of things that truly count.

Your clothing size, how big your nose is...seriously,it is not the deal you think it is. You are special. There is no one like you. God made you ..you. No one else can bring to this world exactly what you do.

Today, love yourself and love others! That is what really matters!

When your cage gets rattled!

 On our recent trip to Belize, I was standing in front a cage of 4 green parrots. I  wanted to hear just what they sounded like... So, I kind of banged on their cage a wee bit. The response was pretty clear. Alot of flapping around and loud non-melodic calls! Wow! Not short on drama I'd say.

 I was thinking about when my cage gets rattled. How do I respond? I would like to say that my response is not like those crazy birds! However, I have done my share of squawking and flapping - truth be told.

Well... opening our cell phone bill today did more then rattle my cage. They wanted almost $3000. for one month, for four phones. Only one phone has data even! How is this possible you ask?! It takes work let me tell you. I drove as sanely as possible to the nearest Bell store. My heart pounding. I got there, realized I forgot the bill. Drove home, heart still pounding. On the second trip to the store, I started to pray for wisdom and for peace. Then Psalm 26:1 " Vindicate me oh Lord!". I doubt the Psalmist had cell phone bills in mind, but, this was my prayer. By the time I finally found parking(one of the pleasures of living downtown), I walked for a few minutes to the store. Shed a few tears when I talked to the guy. I think I scared him. We have the bill down to just over $1100. now. They are still working on it. Happy to say , the mistakes are theirs' and not ours.

Fear is a poor leader. It brings out the worst in most people regardless of the situation. It can make you say crazy things or drive like a maniac. Neither are good. God is the Author of peace. When I took the time to pray on my second drive to the store, His peace did slowly seep into me. I was nice to the guy in the store. I am sure God was  pleased I had to drive home to get the bill.... Sometimes I feel like He builds time to pray into my day! I can tell you, the guy at the Bell store needs to thank God I had to drive home a second time. I am not sure I would have been so nice!

 When you hear stuff that strikes fear in your heart, consider your response. It is those moments you display for all watching just what you are made of.

In the bible , James 1:19 we read there that we need to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to become angry. If we could just stop, breathe, ask God for the wisdom needed for this situation, we might spend less time regretting words spoken out of hurt and raw emotion. 

Its raining again here in Toronto. We have had a ton of grey rainy days for what seems like forever. In the same way, I choose to prepare to walk into pouring rain, we ought to prepare ourselves for each day.

That looks different for everyone. I think of it like getting my soul boots on. I don't know what my day holds, but God does. I seek Him each morning before my feet hit the floor. I give to Him my concerns for the day. I remember how much bigger He is than whatever I have to face that day. This has helped me many times over.  I wish it was a recipe for no problems ever, but then that would not be living, right?

So, while I am waiting for my cell bill to reflect reality, I rest in God. I hope you will too with whatever is hanging heavy on your heart. God is for you and for me. He is on our side. We are loved by Him every day. 

Have a great day no matter what!