Serenity in the Storm

 I love to be in control of the things happening in my life,especially the bad stuff. That is not so unusual is it? The problem is the size of the storm facing us is often well beyond anything I can manage. We cannot stop a storm which we see approaching can we?                                               

 
I have faced my fair share of stormy weather in my life. Most of us have. Bill and I have been campers for years. We have camped through some pretty wicked storms. It was not easy nor pleasant at the time. Bill always liked to remind me how these experiences were shaping my character. Not the best advice in the moment!

These are not the storms I am thinking about today, rather it is people. The ones who are making you crazy  or tearing your heart out by the choices they are making. You want them to listen, change their ways! Sounds resonalble to me! Do they not care about how their choices are affecting other people..maybe ruining their own lives?

How can we make people change? If we are not talking about young children, it is pretty hard. When you have friends that you wish you could change,you really are faced with the imposible. The only person you can change is still you.

Perhaps you are a parent of a teen or adult child who is making very poor choices. Your heart feels like has sunk to your toes. 

The Author of Peace is Jesus. We need peace in the storms of life. We need wisdom to navigate these rough waters, this crazy weather. Often there is no clear path in these situations. You are not alone my friend. Many people are living through something very similar to you. 

The one person you can change is you. Take a hard look at yourself and ask what could I be doing to contribute to this situation? Sometimes we are contributing without realizing. I heard about one mom just yesterday. She desperately wants her son to walk with God. He actually has a soft heart towards God but his mom preaches at him incessently and it turns him off. 

Parents need to know that there comes a day, when lectures "talks" that last a long time and are one sided, do not go far. Really you have about two sentences. Make them count. Kids also need to know they are being heard. 

Bill and I have walked through our own dark valleys over the years, wishing we could drastically change someone very dear to us. We could not. All the talking, begging, looks of disappointment did not do it. We prayed and waited for God to intervene. It took some time. The storm was not short, but slowly it has passed. The clouds return sometimes, but we go to God. 

Every situation is different clearly. This is how we deal with stoms though. God is our strength and source of wisdom, He is still the Good Shepherd on the pathway, even when it is stormy and we cannot see where we are going. This one thing we know and hold onto  : God is bigger and more then able to walk with us through every storm. 

God is big enough to walk with you through whatever you are facing. He loves you and is waiting to help you. Call to Him, read the Psalms and Proverbs. There is no shortage of comfort and wisdom waiting for you. The Bible is brimming over with everything you need to survive the storms.

We are not without hope.

The Snacking Nightmare Needs to Stop!

The other day I stepped on the scale and almost had a heart attack. When courage overtakes me and I step on the scale, it is first thing in the morning and with no clothes on of course. My snacking has caught up with me I am afraid.

There are millions of diet books out there, programs you can join, the truth is, we know what needs to happen. Chips and chocolate, two of my favorite foods that I hope God has in heaven, do contain alot of calories. How is it that we humans can figure out how to land people on the moon but can't make decent low calorie good tasting chips or chocolate? There is the baked chips... I know. I tried them, no thank you. I want the real deal please. Kettle chips if you must know. 

Diets work as long as you are on them, we all know this, especially if you actually follow it. Then the wieght comes off and we go back to the way of LBD- Life Before Diet. What we need is just new smarter habits, at least that is what I need.

Any way, back to my idea. I read this article by this guy who learned to stop complaining. Also a good idea, but not for this time. He put a special band on his wrist that said something inspirational on it about not complaining. Everytime he complains he switches the band from one wrist to the other. The goal,is to keep the band on the same wrist. This worked for him. It took some time because he was good at complaining as many of us are, sadly.

Well, who says we cannot try his idea on snacking? Grab an elastic band that is not too small, every time you snack on something that God did not grow on a tree, in the ground or on a vine, you need to switch wrists. Chips do not grow in the ground even if they were originally a potatoe. Chocolate, unless it is the 70% dark chocolate kind and you can manage just a peice, really the rest of it is just going to add to calories you are trying to not add to your day.

I am a terrible snacker. I eat healthy meals. I don't drink alot of pop, and drink a resonable amount of water. My problem really is snacking. Desserts every night is bad also. It does not help that my husband who is a runner, is the pretty much the same perfect wieght as the day I married him, and that was more then two weeks ago- try 31 years ago! He can eat ANYTHING and it changes nothing!

I am on day 4 of not snacking on bad things- mostly not snacking. I am trying to stick to fruit - it is a novel idea I know. So, we shall see. I need to look amazing by the time my youngest son Michael gets married in June. So, I have time to create a new smarter habit I can live with and not just for a few months, but until God calls me home. 

There is this thing called "Mindful eating". I have not read alot on this, but I do get the idea. You need to think about what you are eating. When snacking, the only thought I have is I want it and I want it now. Stepping on the scale really bugged me though. I am not looking to be size 6. That would require being dead I think. If I can just fit my clothes better and not cringe when I look in the mirror, I will be happy. I need to know when enough is enough. 

My kids say "Mom you look great now!" and I appreciate that. However, I just need to take better care of myself, eating better is a good start. Going to the gym is a good idea. That is another conversation. 

I will let you know next week how I am doing. If you want to join me in this anti-snacking on bad things campaign, please let me know. It is always nice to know I have company on these journies. Thanks for reading.

Here Comes Global Warning!

I remember when it was 1968- I know I am telling my age here...there was a series they began to show. It was called "Here Come the 70"s". I remember watching it and being terrified. We were all going to be living underground and all the air would be polluted and on it went. My sister and I had nightmares!

Now it is all about Global Warming. I am not here to pretend to be a scientest and claim whether or not it is happening. I hear alot about it and I know young people must hear also and be scared about their future. I know I felt the same way when I was a kid and kept thinking about how we would be living underground in the 1970's. I did discover two important truths. The first one is that they were wrong and the second one is that all my worrying changed nothing. It just put my stomach in a knot and gave me nightmares.

It is wise to not be ignorant of what they are saying about Global Warming. I hope and pray that our country and others will be wise in limiting gas house emissions and all that stuff. I want to say to you my reader, ultimately, while we do what we can, the world is not our own. There is One who is much bigger who holds the future. I do not believe this old earth is going any where one day sooner than He allows. 

I am a mom of four. I remember being afraid of the world I was bringing each baby into. I would hold that sweet baby in my arms and wonder "what will your world hold?" What about your future? What about this world?" There is an old hymn we use to sing in church. You do not hear it much anymore, but the truth of it would soothe my fears. The words said "Because He lives I can face tomorrow, because He lives all fear is gone, because I know who holds the future. And life is worth the living because He lives." 

Some see my position as one of weakness- I prefer to think of it as faith that God still cares about you and your future and He cares about this earth. Man will do what man does, but we will not thwart what God has in mind.

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is in Isaiah 41:10 " So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

A mother's Love - By Michael Dyck

Every mom could be compared to wonder women. From trying to keep multiple young children entertained, making sure the house is clean (enough), keeping some kind of social life, and sometimes a job as well in mind blowing and sounds nearly impossible. My mom like many used her children to complete the task at hand, just like minions from "despicable me". Whatever the chore was, she made it seem like "only I can do it" so I scrubbed that toilet like no one has ever scrubbed. This may have only lasted a couple years before us children realized we hate chores, but it was a totally genius move.

            Moms always have a solution to every problem. Even if they have never dealt with the problem at hand, they know how to fix it. However, when it came to heart issues, moms always have helpful insight.   

            The love a mother has for her child is deeper then any love another person can give. A mother would lay down her life to save her child without having to think twice. A mom will go the extra mile to help one of her children when they are in need. My mother, Donna Dyck was the best mom any son could ask for. She was such a good mom; I didn't want to share her with my siblings, because she was my mom! But I was willing to share my dad (not because he means less, but I’m a big momma's boy). Against her own desire’s she would take me fishing and to the bass pro shop so I could spend her money so I could catch more fish.

            I thank the Lord for the love my mother has for me. She won’t ever abandon me, or quit on me. She believes in me when I don't believe in myself. Donna is the best cheerleader to have in my corner. When I lose sight of what is important, she points me right back to Jesus.

The love that God gave to moms is a blessing to all children. Kids feel safe in the embrace of their mom. If something is wrong, mom’s has an ear to listen and comfort, and there is no words their child could say to lose that love or care that she has because they love us with that indescribable mothers love. Mother’s have a special place in their children’s heart whether they show it or not.

From a child to all moms, this statement is true, “There is nothing like a mothers love”.

Happy Mothers Day     

When Stubbornness and Independence Meets its Match

There comes a day when all our glorious independence meets it match. If you have ever broken a leg or foot while camping on an Island. Trust me, stubborn independence meets it match. 

It sounds funny, but it was pretty painful. I stepped into a hole while wearing sandles, that is all it took. I went from fiercely indendent to my husband or one of my sons carrying me piggy back or whatever.. wherever I needed to go. I felt bad for making them to this. I found a thick branch to use as a crutch, it did not help. I thought I had just sprained my foot. By morning I knew it was not, it was broken. Cutting our holiday short was not going over well with our kids, but they got over it. 

Life has a way of reminding us all we have our limits even though we may like to believe otherwise. A broken foot is nothing compared to an extended illness or the loss of someone dear to you. The times you think your heart will burst out of your chest for the pain you feel,that is when you are given the opportunity to go it alone or reach out to someone bigger. 

I choose someone bigger. I have climbed many steep mountains in my day, literally and metaphorically. I have chosen to walk with Jesus who is my Good Shepherd. He faithfully brings comfort and peace to my heart. He gives me wisdom to know what to do next. His love surrounds me like the sun on a warm summer day. 

Whatever you are facing today, know that this same Good Shepherd loves you. He longs to give you wisdom and comfort for whatever challenges you face. You can always go it alone. The question I have is why would you want to? Psalm 121 says that God is a very present help in times of trouble.

 I pray that you will ask for help from God today. He loves you.

Why Saying Good Bye - "Well" Matters

There was a young man I knew very well. He was sixteen. He and his dad were best friends. One evening they got into quite an argument. When they parted ways that evening, there was no peace between them. That was the last time he ever saw his father alive again. His father died unexpectantly of a heart attack the next morning. For many years, he regretted that parting. 

No one knows really when our last day is. We casually say good bye, it takes so little effort to just add in " I love you" or "you are a great friend"...whatever suits you. It may sound cheesy to you, but honestly, it matters.

I never said bye to my dad. I had many regrets around his death. I was young. I did write him a letter however, which was in his pocket when they found him. It was open and he had read it. I had told my dad how much I loved him and how much God loved him. 

With my mom, I was there the day she passed away. I had been at her side for weeks. I said everything that mattered. When my brother died, it was different. I had spoken to him the day before and told him I loved him. I learned my lesson when my dad died. I was careful to let those dearest to me know I loved them. I knew it was important.

I know relationships are tricky sometimes, especially in families. Remeber though, life really is short. Even if you are right and they are wrong, it is always good to forgive. The sooner the better. Extending forgiveness does not make them right. It is simply allowing there to be peace, at least on your side. 

Regrets are a heavy wieght that can drain alot of energy. Next time you say good bye , take just a moment to say what matters. You never know how important those words can be.

Resumè and Truth

 Sitting in Starbucks a few days ago, sat two 17 year olds. The conversation was hard to miss. They were confessing to each other how they lied and exagerated on their resumés. Granted, when filling out a resume, you want to make yourself sound like you are very much worth the prospective employers time.  Doesn't telling the truth matter?

Several years ago my husband hired an administrator, not the amazing one we have currently, the one before that. This young womans resumé was impressive indeed. Yet, when it was time to get down to work,she could not spell very well. Another problem was she could not do some of the basic computer programs needed for the job. So, Bill pullled out her resumé and asked her about what was clearly written in black and white. She told him she had to write that or he would never have hired her. 

My husband is very kind indeed. Yet, he really needed someone who could actually do what was needed. Thankfully he did find someone and she is amazing.

This week I had to redo my resume for a job I am interested in. I wanted it to look better then it did. Yet, I wanted it to reflect the truth only. It would not take much beat my resumé. I am much better if I can just get the interview. I am stronger in person then on paper. So, I will see. I just left it as is and submitted it. Hopefully the lady will remember meeting me and give me an interview.

I was thinking about the importance of being honest, even on a resumé. When you do get the job, the real work begins...and you have to live up to your wonderfulness. It is embaressing having to explain you overstated your ability. You need to know what is your potential and what is beyond you. Perhaps one day you will have that skill set, but perhaps it is not today. 

We need to put an honest foot forward. Something employers value is integrity. Working hard, being honest and not speaking badly about the poeple you work with always goes a long way, wherever you work. It makes you a joy to work with. That my friend is what you want people to believe. 

Hands Off!

In the  Globe and  Mail, there was an article about a marriage of many years. In the Q&A it was called"How this couple saved their marriage by embracing non-monogamy had having sex with others". We just celebrated Valentines day last week. I confess, I have no comprehension of how this could work. 

I know that in some religions there is one husband a sometimes several wives. Even in the Old Testament, there are many examples. That is not my experience. I am thankful indeed. I cannot imagine. I still remember the day my neighbour came to my door crying and very angry. Her husband had taken on a new younger wife. It is acceptable in his culture. I am pretty sure, that is not how it goes here in Canada.

In this article however, both parties share different partners. In Toronto there are now Swing clubs. Apparently very popular. No thank you... I will stick to square dancing. Call me old fashioned if you like. I will happily share a plate of cookies or a good home cooked meal, but my husband is off limits.

Even as I write this, I shake my head. It is incompressible to me. Imagine the conversations at the dinner table..ok, let's not. 

To be loved and loved well is a gift and one I am eternally thankful for. To know that my husband loves me no matter what my dress size. In fact, he is sick of the conversation. He is there for me , believing in me and cheering for me daily. When I think back to 30 years of marriage, I know that it has been a gift from God. Not all seasons of marriage are easy,that is true. When the waters got rough, bringing some new man on the scene would not have brought the sizzle..that I can tell you.

Love is patient and kind. It is not self seeking. Love waits while the other is struggling and does not give up. It honours it's promises. Love never fails. People do, but then, love also forgives. 

We don't live in a perfect world for sure. Every story is different. I will stick to just one husband thank you. God is the centre in our marriage. Where He is centre ,confusion dissipates. 

Wisdom from God is first of all pure. What I read in this article and their solution does not reflect the wisdom of God. Of this... I am pretty sure.

Love Yourself Enough

 Everyone could hear the shouting that day. The far corner, right side of the cafeteria. Being a cheer leader helps with volume, that much was clear. The young brunette yelled for everyone to hear " I don't care what any of you think!" then left quickly.

If you followed her, you would have found her in a classroom crying. 

Earlier that same day this same crying young woman could have been heard carelessly talking about someone else. She knew even as she was speaking, she was stretching things a little and just maybe saying more then she should. It felt good though, so she kept going. Her words caught up to her later in the cafe. That is what the drama at the beginning was all about.

The instruction Christ give in Matthew 29:39 "Love your neighbor as yourself", comes into play here. 

 Loving yourself, it is not all about getting your hair done or having a manicure. It is also about loving yourself enough to care about the state of your own heart.

When we allow pride to live in our hearts and take up residence there, trouble will soon follow. The same is true of bitterness - which is simply unforgiveness which is left to brew.

Love yourself enough to take a personal inventory. Ask yourself the really hard questions- ask God to help you. He knows you even better then you know yourself.

1. Am I mad at anyone right now?

2. Do I need to forgive anyone? ( forgiveness is not just to the benefit of the one who wronged you, but it is for you as well. By not forgiving, it is like dragging that person around on your back. That gets heavy)

3. Am I disappointed with someone or something? Is it weighing me down? Can I let go and let God take it?

4.Am I feeling boastful in my heart at all? Do I think I am better then other people?

5. Am I looking out for me more than anyone else? Are my conversations all about my favorite topic- "Me"?

It is pretty popular to do all these Liver Cleanse and you name it "Cleanse". What about a heart and mind cleanse? 

Love yourself enough to take stock of your own heart.

Love yourself enough to care what other people think.

Love yourself enough to know when you are crossing a line and you will live with the consequences of those actions or words. 

You may be reading this and think, no its too late for me. I have blown it too badly. Every day is a new day. New people to meet and new opportunities to make things right. It starts though with being honest with yourself.

Loving other people well is born out of person who loves themselves well. 

"Don't take this personally but..."

 You know when you hear those words you are in trouble. You brace your stomach as if  punch is coming. Words are powerful things. Sometimes people don't realize it. Maybe they thinking for a long time about what they thought would be very helpful for you, or they are speaking out of the emotion of the moment. The challenge facing each one is simply- what are you going to do now?

Words that are hard to "stomach" come to everyone. It is hard to not take it personally. If you are one who is really good at that, well.... hats off to you. I find it hard. I think many people do.

There are some hard truths that need to be spoken. If we are doing or have done something wrong and are unaware of it, we need to hear it. Perhaps something that was said was not received well. Now you bear the fruit of those words. It is good to know the truth and deal with it. Face it, feel it and deal with it. Still not easy, but easier to deal in truth when you can see their point then when you cannot.

It is in the times when you fail to see their point , when they have their facts wrong or it seemed to come out of nowhere. This is when it is particularly tough. 

Regardless of the situation, some kind of a response is needed. It is natural to want to speak back. Sometimes that is what needs to happen. Especially if they have been misinformed. If you can do it calmly then it is a good idea. If you are boiling, you may want to wait a bit. Words spoken when the blood in our viens is "boiling" does not always guarantee the best response. 

When the person says those famos " Don't take this personally" you need to consider that also. Why are they saying at all? Is there anything I need to learn here? 

At times like this, I am better off going home and thinking for awhile. Psalm 37:3-8 is my go-to Psalm at times like these. I think the advice of the Psalmist is good and worthy of consideration. 

Many times, it is God who will ultimately be my defender. Sometimes you just have to take those hard words and leave them with God. Defending yourself just doesn't always work. Hearing the person out(hopefully they don't go on and on), is good. If you listen well, it should mean they will give to you the same courtesy if you do say something. Remember though, saying " thank you I will take your words into consideration" and ending it there is not a bad idea. 

Go, think and pray. God will give you wisdom and still your trembling heart. Read Psalm 37. It really is a great Psalm with some solid advice that has proven true many time in my life and the lives of many others.

Parking Lot Drama

When I was on my way to a gym today, I heard yelling in the parking lot. A young woman and guy were having a loud argument. The guy yelled " what its all my fault?!" That in itself is not big deal. Then guy jumped into his car and began driving away. The 24 or so year old young woman was holding onto the car door pleading with the guy to please let her in the car as he was driving away. She ran along side the car, but could not keep up.

The guy stopped at the exit of the parking lot long enough for the girl to catch up. I thought the guy was cooling down and realized he was being a bit dramatic. No... not so. As soon as the girl caught up to him, he took off again. This poor girl pleading with him as she now ran across the street and followed him. She never did catch up to him. For her sake, I hope she never sees him again. 

I so wanted to chase down the street after the girl and tell her she deserved better. The loss was his, not hers. I don't know what the argument was over, nor who he was. Regardless, that is no way to be respectful to another person regardless of the story. 

I stood and debated what I should do watching this girl disappear down the street. Sadly, I went to the gym and worked out, thinking of the girl. Why do girls allow themselves to be treated like that? Maybe they feel they are not worth better. When I was at the gym yesterday, many of the young women in my Pilates class were singing along to a song called "Won't you stay the night"... I have no idea who sings it. The song says no problem if you just stay the night, no commitment, no ties.... honestly I wanted to be sick right there in class. 

If you are in a dating relationship and being treated poorly, quit while you are ahead. You are worth more. You should not have to chase cars while a guy has a temper tantrum. A guy who cares for you listens and considers what you are saying. You talk. They don't storm away like that. No storming allowed! 

Clearly, this is not permission for high drama for you or I. We need to be respectful. If the respect you show is not being returned to you, it is time to say "see you later". 

God loves you and knows what you need. Look to Him for wisdom- that comes not from magazines or songs on the radio, but from God. James 1:5 says that if we are lacking wisdom, we can ask God who will give it to us. He may not be super quick about it, but wait. He will give it to you. 

Keep Going!

 

 It is easier sometimes to quit then to keep going. Yet what will quitting cost really? What will be missed if quitting is the option that is chosen. It all depends what we are talking about. I am thinking about good things but they are also hard. 

When my husband and I took a trip to Arizona we climbed a few mountains. The temptation to quit for me was pretty high. I don't like the hard work and sweating combination. At one point I thought I was going to faint near the top of the mountain. This one guy saw me and was telling me about a mountain nearby which I should for sure check out. "After all" he says " it is even higher and steeper then this one, sometimes it is straight up". The guys was clearly not getting that at that particular moment, my head was spinning. Steeper climbs was not what I was imagining. Quitting -yes-except at the top of a mountain, you can't ... you have to climb down. Bill was not ready to carry me and nor would my pride allow that!

There was alot of beauty I would have missed had I chosen to not make that climb. It was extrodinary to see all the cactus and enjoy the views! 

There is an old poem I was thinking about. I do not now what you are facing. Perhaps it will inspire you to reconsider.  I got this poem book when I was 16. This has always been a favorite. The author is not listed here in my book so I cannot give credit to its creator.

" When things go wrong, and they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile but have to sigh, 

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must,- but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As everyone of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about

When we might have won had we stuck it out;

Don't give up though the pace seems slow-

You might succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer then 

it seems to a faint and faltering man,

Often the struggler has given up 

when he might have captured the victor's cup.

And he learned too late, when the night slipped down.

How close he was to the golden crown. 

Success is failure turned inside out-

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt-

And you can never tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-

It's when things seems worst that you mustn't quit."

Whatever the struggle, don't give up. Not today. God gives strength to those who ask. He gives it for one step at a time. I am cheering for you!

Thinking about 2014

                         Is there anything that needs to change in your life this next year? When you feel stuck and the place you have found yourself is "safe"- it means you need to ask yourself a straight forward question. It is simply this: What are you going to do about it? How long have you been complaining about it? How many people have heard the same old story of what you should really do?

Why not make this the year you are going to do something about it? If you knew you would not fail, would you do it? Is it right? Will you be hurting someone? Is it what is best for you? Is it important? These are just a few questions for you to consider. Grab your journal and think about the fears that may be keeping you stuck. The best way to bring about change is to admit our fears-name them even!

You have to begin somewhere to bring about change. So where do you start? You have to be committed if you are going to be successful. Quitting is not going to get you there.  Perhaps you can ask yourself what do I need to start? I remember when I wanted to lose ten pounds ( and sadly, need to again!) I had to get rid of the food that is bad for me, fill my fridge with the good stuff. Decide baking was off limits. I joined Weight Watchers and worked at my goal- One day at a time, one bite at a time until I reached my goal. Was it fun? No not really, but it was worth it. Now I need to decide am I willing to do the hard work to achieve it again?

How about you? What are you going to do differently this next year? It is so easy to just stay the same. Life is short my friend. We have today and we are not sure what the future holds. Don't keep putting off that important change. No one can do it for you.  

God promises to help us. He cares for us- but that does not mean we are not taking the first step. We are never alone. He gives courage to us when we ask. If you lack wisdom, He promises that also. If you lack strength, He can give you what you need for today. I wish for you a great New Year, with new adventures and obstacles overcome!

Facing the First Christmas without Mom

Loss any time of year is difficult, but that same loss seems to yell at Christmas. My niece Rachel lost her mom this past June. Today she shares her heart with you as she faces her first Christmas without her beautiful mom.

"Saying goodbye to a loved one is a very strange experience, isn't it? It requires that we let them go whether or not we feel ready. And then life changes - where they were, they are no more. Sometimes its hard to know what we are supposed to think, what we are supposed to feel in light of such ginormous change.

Since my Mom passed away in June, I have thought and felt many different things. One of the things I would like to share with you is the fact that she gave me many gifts (and I don't mean presents wrapped and placed under the tree, although she gave me those as well!). She gave me gifts in teaching me how to be a friend, how to use my imagination, how to teach people and how to be an interested learner. And she was an example to me of someone with deep faith in Jesus. What greater gift could there be? Although there were many hard times, I am thankful for the gifts she gave me. And now that she is no longer here, I will remember that God is still here, and He is with her too. As it reminds us in Hebrews 13:5 - " For God has said: 'Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.' "- Rachel

God Bless each of you. Thank you for visiting my blog throughout this past year. See you again in 2014. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.-Donna

Reckless Words

Some words you never forget. Sometimes they are kind words, then there are the other words...not so kind. If words could be given a flavor, it would be cayenne. While the sting of those words diminish over time, the memory does not always. I would love to forget but I have a good memory and those words stick around. I don't think about them and they don't define who I am today, but I remember. 

That is not what is on my heart today. We cannot change words spoken by others years ago or even last week. The only thing we can control is our own words. This season of Christmas and all the other celebrations that take place, allow for many opportunities to visit with people. What we talk about, the stories we share, say alot about who we are and what is really in our hearts. 

I just came back from a Christmas party in our neighborhood and visited with all kinds of poeple I don't know. I went with this thought firmly in my mind... don't say anything you will regret later. I was careful. I listened alot, asked questions.... it all went great.

Proverbs 12:18 says " Reckless words pierce like a sword,but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Our words, no matter how old you are, can bring hope or despair to the listener. May this be a season where we think before we speak and care more about what other people are saying then what we have to say. May we speak sincerely and bring words of hope. It is always amazing to meet people who bring hope and healing in the words they speak.

Amidst the laughter and fun, remember to think of the power of your words.  

"Not on The List"

Christmas season is coming really fast. There are lots of parties. There are also, many who sit home, uninvited. How does that feel? It is not easy, especially when it happens all the time. What may surprise you is this happens to many people at sometime in their lives. This is not new.

The next question is what are you going to do about it. You could crash the party. Personally, I would not have the courage to do that and wouldn't. You could sit home, acknowledge the hurt and either stew in it or find something meaningful to do. Like what you say?

Who is out there that is possibly in the same boat as you? Is there anyone? I remember once I was pretty blatantly "left out", I was rolling in the self pity pretty bad. Then I got tired of it.I prayed and forgave those who had slighted me. Then I thought about the group home where I was volunteering at the time. I knew those kids love when people come play games with them. So, that is what I did. I had a blast. 

"Stinking Thinking" leads us pretty fast into a muddy ditch and leaves us there. Is that really where we want to be? If "stinking thinking" leads us there, then thinking differently leads us out. While it was the circumstance that may have helped you get there, it is the thinking that determines where we find ourselves. 

It is not easy to do that but it seems like when we keep replaying whatever wrong was done, it keeps us stuck there. The trap really is self pity and that just is not a good place to be, even if you did deserve to be invited. No doubt you feel hurt, but honestly, what are you going to do about it?

How we respond when these things happen says a lot about who we really are. My best advice is forgive and leave it. Find something meaningful to do that will be a blessing to someone else. Don't do things with the expectation of getting back. 

God is the source of love. If your heart feels short on love, ask Him to fill your heart with His love. I Corinthians 13:4-7 reminds us of the look of love lived out. It is never more noticeable then when you feel hurt and left out. Gods love is patient and kind. His love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and keeps no record of wrongs.Love never gives up. Read the whole passage and you will see what I mean. On our own living this kind of love when we don't feel like it is pretty tough. Ask Jesus to fill you with this kind of love and forgive those who have hurt you. 

Maybe throw your own party and make sure everyone is included. Have fun!

"Watch and Weep"

Imagine watching someone you love, week after week harm themselves. Outside of praying, you are powerless to stop them. With most diseases, it does not have a self inflicted look to it. That is where alcoholism is different. 

In all the reading I have done as well as growing up attending Alateen, I read that alcoholism is a disease. These people do not ask for it nor do they want it. It is a compulsion that goes beyond anything I can relate to. I remember leading a recovery group for alcoholics and they asked me, " Donna what are you addicted to?" they all looked at me with hopeful eyes. I had to tell them, beyond two chocolate chip cookies in a row, I honestly don't have that struggle. They assumed everyone did. I for sure have my struggles as we all do, addiction just is not one of them.

It is painful to watch them though. I remember my heart sinking to my boots when I would walk in the door from school, there in the hallway was a twelve case of beer. Dad would be six bottles in. The evening would get worse before it got better. The familiar knot in my stomach would return. My appetite to eat was zero. 

I learned that arguing with them was pointless. Making them feel guilty, was not helpful. They tend to feel like zeros already. My witty remarks were unhelpful. If sobriety was attained by family members yelling and making the alcoholic feel guilty, we would have more sober alcoholics around.

To carry on with anger and layering the guilt on is to just add to the problem. You can dump the alcohol but they will find more. You need to be silent. Arguing with a drunk is never profitable. You wait, perhaps an opportunity will arise when they bring up their problem. When they are really sick of their addiction, then they will seek help and not before. 

Family members and good friends of an alcoholic would do well to educate themselves well, just as you would would if it were diabetes or cancer. No one hopes when they grow up, they will become an alcoholic. AlAnon and Alateen are two of the best sources I know. They have groups all over the city, any city. Check it out if this blog is something you relate to personally.

I have always run to Jesus as my comfort in the middle of storms, whatever the storm. He has been my comfort and strength for many years. He does not take away every struggle, but He does give wisdom and strength to get through it. If you read Psalm 121, that will bring some comfort to a troubled heart.

Thankfulness-An Anti-Acid for the Heart

It is not hard to be thankful on the sunny bright days, when everything seems just right. What about when there are hardships; you feel you have been wronged or disappointment seems to be knocking at your door daily?What place does thankfulness have in the middle of all that?

A thankful heart is a doorway into new thinking in the middle of everything else that is screaming at you. I have practised this. I am shocked at the difference it makes. When I get up in the morning, feeling heavy hearted over whatever is dragging my heart down, I put on the song "10,000 Reasons for My heart to Sing" Matt Redman sings it. That song as I beleive it, has ushered my heart into a new place.

God tells us in His Word that in everything we must give thanks. " Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation,by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus". Philippians 4:5-7.

God's peace trully is an anti-acid for our soul. He calms the fears that grip us. Giving thanks is part of this journey. Somedays, I have to conciously make a decison to give thanks because it is contrary to what I am feeling. Again, it ushers me to a new place. 

Today, may our day be full of giving thanks to God no matter what the circumstance. Through it, you will find peace for the day.

Hollywood Secrets?

Hollywood promotes creams that replace botox. They promote eating styles that will change your life. If you are miseralbe today, the solution might be expensive, but it is for sale. 

The struggles of the heart are many and varied no matter how old you are. People long to feel accepted and know they matter. There is no diet that will do that, nor a face-cream that will usher this reality to anyone. No one loves you more because you changed your face-cream or how you eat (if you eat badly, your body may thank you!).

I remember well, trying to "fit in" at school. It is not easily done if you lack confidence to say hello and just ask questions of the people around you- "how are you?" and really mean it. If you feel stupid and think that no one wants to talk to you, that is a problem.

For me, what finally made the difference was pretty simple. I came to be ok with just being me. In Alateen I learned the Serenity Prayer which says " God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." I looked at the kids in my class and what cool looked like, they smoked and drank. I tried the smoking thing. I did not much like it. I honestly thought it was stupid. The drinking thing just looked plain awful. I heard about the throwing up and people that did things they regretted- or could not remember it. None of it sounded very cool to me. 

So, I went for something different. I chose humour and kindness. I could manage both of those pretty well and it worked. Even if you are not funny but can tell a good story, that helps. My husband Bill was not the funniest guy on the planet. He learned a funny joke every week. He even practised it in his head so he could tell it given the opportunity. Sounds silly, but it worked. As for being kind, just genuinely caring for people who ever they are , is a big deal. 

Be patient. Hollywood offers a lot of empty solutions. Their quick fixes are not fixes but lies. They won't really help you. It is surface stuff. 

God made you just the way you are. Go look in the mirror and make a decision. You are you, no one else can be you or do exactly everything you do. You will be able to help people that I never could or anyone else for that matter. You are important. Your life matters today. In Psalm 139:14 says you are "fearfully and wonderfully made". Today you will accept all kinds of lesser things as truth, why not accept this important one. You are made wonderfully! Now that is good news!

The struggle with God's Forgiveness and The Alcoholic

To believe that you are so horrible and your deeds or sins so wretched ushers in the lie that you are far too unworthy to receive the forgiveness of God- let alone be loved by Him.

I have lost count how many Alcoholics or addicts I have met over the years who believe this lie to be true. It is the lie that keeps some of them  drinking or doing drugs. There is the addiction aspect for certain, but when you dig down, the sense of unworthiness will often be uncovered. 

In the old hymn "The Love of God" it says that God's love reaches down into the lowest hell. I believe this truth with my whole heart. I prayed for years that my dad or my brother would believe it too. Perhaps towards the end of their lives they did believe it. I do not know for sure. 

John Newton was a slave trader born 1725 and lived until December 1807. He spent years as a heavy drinker, some books say he was also a gambler. He considered himself an athiest though he was taught as a young boy about Jesus from his mother. He lived a wretched life, ruining his own life and the lives of many others. When he was at sea, a huge storm came and the ship was sinking, it was then he began to call out to God for help. 

His journey of faith was what lead him to write an old favorite hymn of many " Amazing Grace". It is a potent truth he penned in that old hymn. He was a man who knew that it was indeed "amazing grace" that gave to him, once and for all the peace and forgiveness his heart longed for. 

God's grace and forgiveness is offered to all of us. He looks for the heart that is willing to turn away from that which is destroying their lives and confess their sins before God. Then the harder part it seems is to receive the forgiveness God is offering and then- to forgive themselves. This can be the hardest part but crucial in the healing of the troubled should regardless of the brokenness that brought you to His feet. 1 John 1:9 we read God's promise of His full forgiveness. There is  no list attached to the verse explaining who is excluded. It is for everyone who comes.